Tuesday, July 24, 2018


One of my favorite books as a child was Happiness is a Warm Puppy.

Charles Schultz the creator of Charlie Brown and friends taught me early that happiness is not found where commercials says it is found.  Not that new out fit or smoke or drink or latest car or top grades or all the other places trumpeted to be happiness.  Another lady in my childhood days wrote a song from Henry Thoreau quote:

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you; but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder."

Author: Henry Thoreau
I didn't go to counseling looking for happiness.  I felt it every day in small and simple things.  However, I did believe that happiness came from outside of me.  Made sense because inside of me was chaos, fear and darkness how could happiness survive in that hostile environment?  Counseling helped me to face that chaos, fear and darkness....bring out the looming monsters to find out that they were actually much smaller than I remembered.  They were big alright but I giant sized them from the perspective of my child size.  Looking at memories as an adult was no walk in the park, more like a fiercely fought mud fight with goo flung and names called and hoo boy you get the general idea.  Whoever said weaklings go to counseling never went to counseling.  It takes courage.  Willingness to say I was wrong.  Openness to new ideas.  For me it was a complete overhaul of a crumbled and decaying foundation hobble together to survive childhood.  Clean out the rot and decay and make room for happiness to bloom and grown inside.

One of my favorite pictures I call Bloom Where you are Planted:

Another version:

Monday, July 23, 2018

Needed Reminder

Friendly reminder that "doing your best" does not mean working yourself to the point of a mental breakdown.  

~ Peaceful mind Peaceful life https://peacefulmindpeacefullife.org/

Posted on Facebook by https://www.becomingminimalist.com/becoming-minimalist-start-here/

Wow, this is such a timely message for me.  I start back to work next week after 2 months off.  I tend to over do things and push myself to exhaustion.  I need this reminder daily.  Maybe I should post it on my mirror.

Broken pitchers don't hold water.  

Friday, July 20, 2018

Success is scary

But not for the reasons you may think it is.

What is scary about success?

If you meet your goals, then what?
If you achieve your dreams, what is left?

Recent suicides by celebrities tell us repeatedly that suicide is not exclusive to failures.

Imagine, you are told all your life when you are Successful you will be Happy.

What happens when you become a success and you still aren't happy?

I've come across several famous people that clawed, scratched and climbed up the ladder of success only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall.

My high school reunion years ago, I talked to one of my friends I lost track of when we both graduated.  She struggled and fought to become a successful lawyer only to realize she hates it.  She was in the process of selling her part in a successful business to move to the country and open a Bed and Breakfast inn.

Scary thing about success when you finally get their do you like what you got?

I am finishing projects that waited years to get done.  I'm still having nightmares.  I am stressing to new levels of anxiety.  I am doing the things I always planned to do.  They are becoming their own obsession.  Do I have my ladder against the wrong wall?

Have you told yourself before....

when I get this then I will be happy...…..
When I graduate I will be happy
When I get my own car I will be happy
When I get married then I will be happy...…….
When life is easy then I will be happy

All these success do NOT equal happiness.

A while ago I watched Jim Carry's speech to College graduates.  I looked up what he is up to now.  He hit the top......Now what?

I believe the speech is worth a half hour of your time if you are interested.

Monday, July 16, 2018

Reset myself

This summer is an opportunity to reset myself.  Several of the pages I visit offered assistance at a price to put myself on track to attaining my goals.  Summer time I am not working and no income so I can't afford these helpers.  However, that doesn't stop me from getting myself back on track.  Of course, I added prayer to my desire to see what I needed to do to get myself back on track and what do I get?  A lesson at Church that it is all about the people.  I was trained to be task oriented.  In fact, growing up efficiency reached godlike proportions. (Check out my sister's post: https://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2018/07/16/efficiency-falacy/)  I could get a job done but still get punished if I didn't do it fast enough.  My own kids, I let them take their time because they will figure out on their own they don't want to spend all evening doing chores so hurry up to do something else.  So back on track of the post.  This summer was unusual.  Life changes and a few choices on my part left me hanging out at home for most of the summer.  I am loving it.  I also discovered this year that the swelling in my legs was not caused by sitting at my sewing machine.  Instead I found out it was part of my reaction to soy.  So back on task again.  I needed to get myself reoriented to the original goals I set in January.

Exercising, not so much.  I love the meme about how long rabbits live, hopping around for 8 to 10 years, verses tortoises that move slowly for 150 years.  However, my main goal behind exercising is not extending my life but improving my core strength and quality of life.  Hmmm.  Part of my summer exercise is sifting and sorting gravel.....a mound of it.  It is requires the use of the core muscles and continues to challenge me.  I like it too.  I can see actual progress as I create little mounds of dirt that are headed eventually to increasing the depth of our flower bed.  However, on several occasions I stopped work not because I was done but a neighbor came over to say hi.  Less done, not efficient but I put people first.  It will take longer to move the dirt.

I am also cleaning by actually completing projects.  I have a room full of projects and I am actually doing them completed a host of baby blankets and crocheted baby hats that were donated to a local organization.  It feels good and hits on the idea that completing projects is about people.  How many times do I brush people aside to finish jobs, task and busy work?  So the projects are for other people and family.  It is getting me out and mixing with people.  I have plans for one or two more projects that might get delayed because I am learning that people are not efficient.  They take time.  They take energy and I think instead of resetting myself back on the track to getting task done efficiently, I'm going to plan to interrupt my busy work more and take time to spend time with people.

Yup, I am resetting all right but I won't be efficient or master every task because I am going to place my goals at spending more time with people.  A challenge for me because I still need alone time to recharge my emotional batteries.  Wish me luck as I slow down and take time to Say HI.  It just isn't efficient, maybe time for a rebellion against efficiency.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

Power of Pause

Yes, you read that correctly.  Today I am sharing the power of pause.  One of the things that both my major abusers did to keep me hopping was instantaneous obedience to what ever they asked me to do.  No time to think it through.  No time to consider my options.  Obedience at once with no questions asked.  Life felt frantic and off balanced all the time. 

I brought this frantic life style into my marriage.  I worked and struggled constantly.  I was exhausted...I was beyond exhausted.  When I entered counseling, my counselor noticed how frantic I seemed all the time.  He would instruct me to breath and slow down.  He encouraged me to take time to think things over, consider my options, decide if I actually wanted or needed to do what I am being asked to do.  This was so counter to what I was taught as a child. 

Stop and smell the flowers....really.  In the grocery story that sells flowers, stop by the counter where they sell the flowers and sniff.  Breathe in deeply.  Slow down.  Frustrated on the freeway. Relax.  You can't drive any faster than the person in front of you.  If every one is stop, breathe, listen to your favorite music. Pause. When ever there is a break, take the break, pause, let your mind sort out recent input and events. 

I signed up for a crocheting challenge.  The guy on the video was rattling off instructions, in no time he was ten stitches ahead of me.  I pushed pause.  I caught up to where he was then started the video again.  I took my time.  If I started feeling frantic or off balance push pause and reread the instructions. 

I am working at applying the practice in other things.  If at work they start throwing instructions at me, I set down and start writing notes.  Check in along the way to make sure I wrote down the information correctly.  I noticed when my bosses are healthy, considerate people they don't mind me taking time to write things down and clarify instructions. 

The Power of Pause is me taking back control of my day.  I can't change many situations, rush hour traffic is not at my beck and call, I can decide that my mind set will be.  I can calm my mind.  Wait for my time to go and Breathe.  Breathing is good. 


Saturday, July 7, 2018

New perspective on worry

I recently gained a new perspective on worry.  I lived my childhood with worry being a constant.  It simply vibrated from the walls of our house.  If I couldn't think of something to worry about a whole list would be given to me. Perfectionism and worry and efficiency all were dosed to us daily.  Flylady helped me to see that perfectionism was a distortion of self improvement. http://www.flylady.net/d/br/2018/05/07/ever-changing-goals-of-perfectionism/

Efficiency long ago bit the dust when I realized it was NOT my goal in life to be the most efficient person in the World.  Just because my mother obsessed about it, did not mean I needed to buy into the manic pursuit of efficiency.

Worry is hard to shake.  Main reason is when I worried about something I would prepare myself for the possibility.  I learned along the way that people that didn't worry quite often don't plan...Of course I was raised on "If you fail to plan you plan to fail."  Any who.....I gained some new perspective and shared it on my other blog.