Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Unseen Results

My sister posted a link to a delightful story on Facebook.  I am sharing it here so I can have reference to it.

The Other Side of the Wall
Randy Reynolds

I love this story. It goes along with what I said in church on Sunday. Rarely do we see the results of our labors. So often like throwing a rock in the pond the original splash may be small but the effects can widen out to unseen results.

I thought of dominoes...knock one over and the results can keep on going and going.  I looked for videos on line and found this. 
10 minutes long

For a shorter version

Mother Teresa's Anyway Poem

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
[Reportedly inscribed on the wall of Mother Teresa's children's home in Calcutta, and attributed to her. However, an article in the New York Times has since reported (March 8, 2002) that the original version of this poem was written by Kent M. Keith.]

Monday, April 28, 2014

Examples of how others live

The author of this blog post gives insight to how a person with ADHD lives.  A paragraph explains the complexity of distractions from the slightest thing.  As I read the article I thought how I would react to a similar situation.  Today, I found it. 

I was waiting in the doctor's office for my yearly check up.  As I waited for the doctor, I read the instructions placed next to the door about how to exit in case of a fire.   Then my mind went on to, what if an explosion happened in the front lobby where I need to exit.  I looked around the tiny room and saw that the window was small and high but I figured out that I could break it open and crawl out by standing on the counter next to the sink under the window.  I realized it would not be an easy task for me.  I then wondered what would I do if a gun man came in.  I decided I would grab my purse off the counter and hide behind the examination table.  The space was big enough for me to fit and with my belongings hidden it would appear to be an empty room.  I worked out several options all in the 10 minutes of waiting for the doctor to come in for the exam.  None of the emergencies happened.  But I was prepared with all this different possible escapes.  That gives a brief look at what goes on when living with PTSD. 

Please, be patient with those that seem to be staring out into space, they may be wondering about the inner workings of a door knob or planning their escape. 

Sunday, April 27, 2014


A complex emotion that is defined in the dictionary as meaning:
noun: shame
  1. 1.
    a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.
    "she was hot with shame"
    synonyms:humiliation, mortification, chagrin, ignominy, embarrassment, indignity, discomfort More
    "her face was scarlet with shame"
    "I felt shame at telling a lie"
    antonyms:pride, indifference
    • a loss of respect or esteem; dishonor.
      "the incident had brought shame on his family"
      synonyms:disgrace, dishonor, discredit, degradation, ignominy, disrepute, infamy, scandal, opprobrium, contempt; More
      "he brought shame on the family"
      antonyms:glory, honor
    • used to reprove someone for something of which they should be ashamed.
      "shame on you for hitting a woman"
    • a regrettable or unfortunate situation or action.
      "it is a shame that they are not better known"
      synonyms:pity, misfortune, sad thing; More
      bad luck;
      informalbummer, crime, sin, crying shame
      "it's a shame she never married"
    • a person, action, or situation that brings a loss of respect or honor.
      plural noun: shames
      "ignorance of Latin would be a disgrace and a shame to any public man"
verb: shame; 3rd person present: shames; past tense: shamed; past participle: shamed; gerund or present participle: shaming
(of a person, action, or situation) make (someone) feel ashamed.
"I tried to shame him into giving some away"
synonyms:humiliate, mortify, chagrin, embarrass, abash, chasten, humble, take down a peg or two, cut down to size;
informalshow up, make someone eat crow
"he was shamed in public"
You notice that no where in here does it describe the type of shame used by abusers to keep victims under their thumb by blaming the victim for the terrible things that happen. Teaching a child that it is their fault that they are hit, molested, or raped is a basis for a toxic shame that sentences a victim to a life time of self-blame, embarrassment, and humiliation.  Shame may be used to keep the predator's door mat firmly under their feet.  Protests from the victims is met by twisted reasoning that turns the tables from recognizing the abusers poor behavior that it gets twisted around to shaming the victim.  Twice my counselor tried to give me a book about Shame....twice I returned it because I couldn't decipher the author's use of toxic shame and healthy shame.  I realize now that I was exposed to so much toxic shame I couldn't comprehend a way for it to be healthy.  Perhaps if instead of trying to separate shame into healthy and unhealthy behaviors, they explained it in the frame work of honor.  If I have done something dishonorable, I need to change my behavior and the discomfort I feel is an internal motivator for change.  However, if an abuser does something dishonorable, then uses shame and blame to shift their responsibility, I need to reject that emotion and recognize it for the manipulation of the abuser.  Sorting out the difference is going to take a lot of work for me.  The hooks of toxic shame were sunk deeply into my childhood conscience.  Counseling has gone a long ways to help me to sort out what behaviors I am responsible for and what behaviors my abusers are responsible for.  I did not make them mad.  I did not make them molest me.  I did not cause them to get out of control.  All these behaviors were their choices.  That shame is theirs.  When I yelled at my kids, when I lost my temper, when I neglected my responsibilities, the shame I am feeling is an uncomfortable motivator for change.  I don't like shame, acting honorably now keeps that feeling in my past. 

Saturday, April 26, 2014


Often people that criticize your life are usually the same people that don't know the price you paid to get where you are today.

In Art, we were required to have critiques of our work.  There were some teachers that created an atmosphere of 'Slice and Dice' whoever work was discussed.  It was a brutal, ugly experience that students dreaded.  However, I had a professor that showed me another side of critiques.   Fortunately for me, I was in his class first.  He described critiques as opportunities to discuss a piece of work using knowledge and understanding of what is possible and considered good photography.  If you didn't like a photograph, you had better have specifics of why you didn't like it and what the other person could to improve their photography.  If you liked the photograph, he still expected you to be able to specifically explain that too.  Now, when I am criticized for behaving in a particular way, I expect them to have a specific reason.  I am also learning that many times people don't know what price I paid to get where I am now.  I struggled with a question about my own choices for the last several months.  Walking and talking with a friend I said it myself.  I made other choices along the way that led me to the place that is different than I had hoped.  But I realized I do not regret the choices I made.  Would I have made different choices if I realized what consequences were coming?  I'm not sure.  I know the price I paid to get to where I am today.  I know what I have struggled through to get this far.  So why am I being so critical of myself?  Just reviewed an article about how to make yourself unhappy.  One suggestion was to think about yourself.  Here is an interesting paradox.  When I didn't consider myself at all, I became more and more miserable.  It was not until I looked at myself and started the process of healing past hurts that I was able to be happy.  On the other hand, there is nothing like a self-pity party to really get me down.  I know the price I paid to get where I am today.  I need to think of myself more kindly.  I don't have a fancy, high paying job.  I don't have fancy clothes.  I don't have a perfectly clean house.  I am a bit of disaster when it comes to cleaning.  But I have come a long way from where I was.  I am reminding myself that self-neglect does not bring happiness.  Some of the most miserable people I have ever known were self appointed martyrs.  It is easy for someone outside of a situation to criticize the choices of others.  They don't know the price they paid to get where they are.  It is easy for me to get caught up in that criticism and criticize myself for not living up to someone else's standard.  It is a behavior I was raised with.  I work hard to recognize and rejoice in my own accomplishments.  The stronger and better I feel about myself, the easier it is for me to recognize that someone else's criticism is more of a statement about them than a commentary about me.   

Desert is often proclaimed a barren waste.  I don't agree.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Flying and elephants

Today's post came from my sister's email.  I felt it is worth sharing here.  Coming out of depression is all about changing your life.  I felt Rabbi Lapin made some very good points here. 

Rabbi Daniel Lapin

Flying, Elephants and Donkeys

I had forgotten a fundamental principle of flight.  Turning takes energy.

Soon after earning my Private Pilot's License, I was sitting in the left seat of a Piper Cherokee single engine airplane flying at 5,000 feet over the Mozambique jungle on a course for Lourenco Marques.  I had no idea that soon thereafter the beautiful landscape beneath me would be transformed into a bloody battlefield of a civil war, resulting in the mass exodus of about a quarter of a million skilled Portuguese citizens and the destruction of an Indian Ocean paradise.

On that sunny afternoon, however, I was accompanied by a British friend who was visiting me. We rented a plane in Johannesburg, and with my fresh piloting skills, we set out to fly to the coastal resort now known as Maputo.

I tell you this partially in the spirit of self-indulgent nostalgia, but mainly to describe what happened when John, comfortably ensconced in the right seat, excitedly spotted a large herd of elephants below.  I immediately threw the P-32 into a bank and began carving a large circle through the clear African skies so we could keep the mesmerizing sight in view.  I must have done two or three complete circles as we gazed in wonder at that herd of one of God's most astounding creatures.

All of a sudden, I was jerked from my reverie by the startled realization that the elephants were far closer than they had been earlier.  My eyes darted to the altimeter and to my shock we were only fifteen hundred feet off the ground.  We had lost over three thousand feet of altitude!  Needless to say, I wasted no time returning to straight and level flight and with adrenaline pulsing in my veins I began a climb to resume our proper altitude.

But how did that happen? Pilot error of course.  My attention was on the elephants instead of on flying.  More importantly, I had forgotten a fundamental principle of flight.  Turning takes energy.  When I banked into a turn quite a lot of energy that had previously been providing lift and keeping us in the air was now being redirected towards changing our direction. This meant that less was available for the task of keeping us airborne. This is why, like every pilot, I was taught to add power when starting a turn.  While pressing on a rudder pedal and turning the yoke, push that throttle forward.  Since my scare that day over Africa, I have never forgotten this lesson.

The same is true for a car.  Should you ever lose your brakes, get into neutral and try to make as many turns as possible.  The car will come to a standstill far more quickly than if you continue steering straight. Turning takes energy and drains it away from the forward motion of the car.  The same is true for a boat. A successful yacht-racing helmsman knows that every single rudder movement costs speed.

Why do I tell you all this?  Because everything spiritual has a physical parallel or as ancient Jewish wisdom puts it: the kingdom of heaven is mirrored by the kingdom of earth.  Just as airplanes, cars, and boats require energy to change course, so do we humans need considerable energy to bring about a course change in our lives.

Ancient Jewish wisdom affirms how God blesses those who struggle to rid themselves of undesirable habits or to acquire good ones.  Not many people do this successfully because it is hard. Changing course in life takes considerable energy.

Is there something about your life trajectory that you'd like to change?  There must be.  It is so for almost everyone one of us fired up by the dream of divine perfection and our innate desire to emulate it. Changing a life course is daunting.  Starting it without realizing how much energy it is going to take can be discouraging.  If you don't know in advance how much work it will involve, when you hit the first challenge you assume it is impossible. Really, you need to push that throttle forward and pour on the power.

Though others around us don't always recognize it, when we do successfully change our life-course, we become new people. You might almost think of it as being reborn. Imagine that after a rigorous program of dieting and exercise you lose thirty pounds.  Knowing that you're a new person makes it far easier to realize that you no longer crave certain foods and can't imagine a day without the exercise that you credit with your amazing new energy levels.  It can be a bit dispiriting when old friends compliment you on your trim look but fail to perceive that you're a new person. Still, over time, as they see different behavior and new lifestyle choices, they gradually recognize you as someone new with the same name as the friend they used to know.

In Numbers chapter 32, we read about a man named Yair.

And the children of Machir the son of Menasheh went to Gilad, and took it and dispossessed the Amorites who were in it...and Yair the son of Menasheh went and captured the towns there and called them Chavot Yair. (Numbers 32:39-41)

Three centuries later, we encounter the another Yair, possessing strange similarities to his illustrious ancestor.

After him arose Yair of Gilad who judged Israel twenty two years and he had thirty sons who rode on thirty donkeys and they had thirty cities that are called Chavot Yair to this day, in the land of Gilad. (Judges 10:3-4)

You probably do not read the Lord's language yet, but below is the original Hebrew text for the phrase, "and he had thirty sons who rode on thirty donkeys and they had thirty cities." (Sorry the pictures of the Hebrew writing did not make it through the email.)

Reading from right to left, you'll notice that words 3, 7, and 9 (green) resemble one another. They are the three usages of the number thirty.

Furthermore, you'll see that words 8 and 10 (blue) look identical, though word 8 means 'donkeys' while word 10 means 'cities'.

Let's examine three questions:

(1)  Why the emphasis on thirty?  (2)  Why donkeys? (3)  How are donkeys related to cities that they should share a word?

(1)  Every number has unique significance in ancient Jewish wisdom. The number thirty means 'poised on the threshold of a new life phase.'  To emphasize this point, chapter 4 of Numbers informs us no less than seven times that the Levites commenced their careers of temple service at the age of thirty.  Just as the Levites were poised on the threshold of something life transforming, we see Yair doing his utmost to transform his life away from the pattern established by the two previous judges, Tola and Avimelech.

(2)  Riding a donkey in Scripture means far more than transport.  It always means employing the material, dominating it in order to rise to something higher.

(3)  Both donkeys and cities suggest growth; one through material means and the other through social.  Because we grow through interaction with other people, crowded cities allow greater personal growth than lonely rural areas.  This is why, in an effort to atone and win his way back into God's good graces, Cain built a city. (Genesis 4:17)

Tola and Avimelech led Israel ineffectively and badly.  Yair knew he had to change course, emulating not his immediate predecessors but rather the original Yair. Knowing how much energy change of direction takes, he employed three strategies that each of us can use to motivate ourselves.

(i)  He lived significantly in the spirit of thirty-intensely convinced he was poised on the threshold of transformation.

(ii)  He determined to use all his resources, family, material, and social to rise higher.

(iii)  He kept in mind the image of success exemplified by the first Yair and drew inspiration just as we can draw inspiration from the success of others.

Changing course demands much power. Not every attempt at changing course is successful, but every attempt is worthwhile and using Scriptural strategies always increases one's odds.  At the very least, knowing that changing course is hard helps prepare us for the task.

If you would like more insights into Hebrew, our best-selling Buried Treasure: Secrets for Living from the Lord's Language is deeply discounted right now.  The fascinating insights in this book will help enable you to achieve greater heights, in the spirit of Yair.

Thursday, April 24, 2014


I'm tired....bone weary tired and struggle with going to sleep, then struggle all day with staying awake.  I saw a meme on facebook by Huffpost.....

You know that awesome feeling when you get into bed, fall right to sleep, stay asleep all night and wake up refreshed?  Neither do I.  

 Years ago I went in for a sleep study.  Yes, I have sleep apnea.  The questionnaire asked when the last time I remember waking up feeling rested and refreshed..... I couldn't remember a time.  Even when I was a kid we were woken up early in the morning to do chores before going to school.  I had nightmares as long as I have memories.  Sleeping just sucks some times.  But I have to sleep eventually.  I don't hold much hope for that rested thing.  Good night. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Irritating quotes

There are some quotes running around on the internet that really annoy me.  If you don't want to read this rant, quit now.

I need to share a different perspective......

"Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world." (Wayne Dyer)

I was 5 years old, walking to school by myself.  I loved the world, I loved dogs, I loved worms, I was a happy little girl until my world was shattered by a type of violence that tear apart the strongest adults.  I didn't invite this insanity into my life.  I wasn't hostile looking for hostile things to happen to me.  My world was shattered.  I learned in kindergarten that there are people that willingly make this Earth a living hell.  I am still able to see good in the world but I believe that those that only see the world reflected in their own lives never had anyone smash their mirror.  Since then I learned that the same events can be viewed by two different people very differently.  I learned from photography that we frame our own pictures of what is around us.

I don't believe in just ranting.......I want to share what I have learned....

The world is beautiful and terrible.....

 When I lived in Spokane, Washington, I loved going to an outlook at the park.  I enjoyed absorbing the green mountains and azure skies.  Simply beautiful.  I took my Dad to the same spot and exclaimed how beautiful the view was.  He replied, slightly baffled by my enthusiasm, "But it overlooks a freeway and the junk yard." I suggested he look up.  What you focus on is what you will see.  If you focus on the roses, you will see the loveliest of flowers, however, if you focus on the thorns you will see the most vicious of plants.  Ignoring the thorns does not keep you from getting a nasty poke.  Appreciation of the worlds beauty with an understanding and preparation for harsh realities blesses your life.  I enjoy the roses while avoiding getting stuck by the thorns.


Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Pest in the garden....

Pest in the garden are the butterflies of tomorrow.

I used to garden when we lived in Washington.  Now I can barely keep up with a little patch of flowers in the front yard.  Today, the preschoolers released the butterflies.  The teacher bought caterpillars that they fed.  They made their little cocoons and finally hatched.  Today, they spread their wings and flew.  The looks of delight on the high school students was as delightful as the little children. I was amazed that some of the children were afraid of the butterflies.  We also released lady bugs that quickly scattered and disappeared.

Monday, April 21, 2014


Life's unfair.  Crap happens.  One reaction to unfair treatment is resentment.  Dictionary defines resentment "bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly."  Bitterness, anger, resentment....some of the ugly emotions.  They are not comfortable.  I don't like feeling them.  Kind of like having a picnic in a sticker patch.  No matter which way you move you get stuck.  Usual activities are unpleasant.  A constant irritation turning the day sour. Sitting with these emotions is not fun.  Peel back the layers.  What is the root cause?  What is feeding the anger?  One thing I learned from counseling is under anger another emotion is calling the shots.  I can shift the discomfort away and it won't bother me for a time.  However, I suspect, until I address the irritation and truly explore its meaning it will continue to gnaw at me like a sore tooth.  Consider the source, then look at my options.  Feelings of helplessness are recognized.  Feelings of regret.  Remind myself why I made the past decisions...where was I at emotionally and mentally when I made the decisions in the first place?  These are the questions I used to discuss with my counselors.  Now I have to work through them myself.  I could use depression to smother the emotions.  Depression puts a wet blanket on any other emotion.  I don't like depression either.  Sort through, sift my thoughts.  What do I want to accomplish?  Where do I want to go?  I'm a grandmother and still working on what I want to do when I grow up. 

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Engraven in the Palm of His Hand

Isaiah 49:16

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

KavinCoach shared my faith in Christ, so during counseling, faith was one of the things used in my healing process.  KavinCoach clarified that he could teach me new skills but it was Christ that does the healing.  He asked me about my faith in Christ.  He pointed out all the horrible things that happened to me, then asked me how I could believe in a loving Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ whom was sent to Earth to die for us.  My testimony is rock solid.  Yes, I have doubted in the past.  But time and time again, I encountered blessings and miracles that can't be attributed to anything accept a higher power.  I don't understand why I need to experience some of the things that I do, however I know there is nothing that I experience, no abuse, no pain, no suffering that Christ hasn't experienced.  When I was most suicidal, one of the things that kept me from carrying it out was my belief that I would have to explain to my Savior that life was too tough.  Christ experienced abuse, betrayal, suffering and Gethsemane.  I struggle at comprehending how he endured so much suffering.

Luke 22:44

And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.

 I believe with all my heart that there is nothing I experience that Christ can not heal.  He has power over death.  My wounds will be bound up by Christ's loving care.  He never promised a pain free world...he promised that he over came the world. 

John 16:33

King James Version (KJV)
33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

I believe in Christ eyes I am whole for he sees me through His healing power and no wound is so deep or damage so severe that He can't heal me.  His ways are not my ways, His timing is not mine either.  His love for me engraved my name on His palm. I have all eternity to finally understand His great love for me. 


Saturday, April 19, 2014

Easter Bunny

A few years ago I was moved from photography to Early Childhood Education at the high school.  It was a bit of a shock for me.  Come Spring they asked me to play the Easter Bunny in a pink furry bunny costume.  My challenge was to figure out a way for the Easter Bunny to be fun without terrorizing the children.  Imagine being 3 years old and being confronted with a huge pink furry rabbit.  This year I succeeded in having no children or high schoolers crying.  I learned that what is fun for one person isn't always fun for someone else. I remember being criticized by another parent for including the Easter Bunny with the traditions of Easter.  I thought about the criticism and decided that Heavenly Father had more of a sense of humor than the Christian that dumped on me.  I believe that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor.  I believe that my Savior has more compassion for my enjoyment of silliness than the person that was heaping criticism on me. I also think this world was created with so many wonderful things.  Mother Earth is one huge 'Easter egg hunt.'  Think about a rock hound scouring the desert to find hidden treasures.  Geodes look plain and boring on the outside yet are magical wonderlands on the inside.  Hopefully the link will work after posting.  Or you can just do a search for images typing in rocks geodes.  Tiny hidden flowers bloom under the scorching desert sun.  Or imagine what type of sense of humor is needed to create a duck-bill platypus. I enjoy taking people on camera safari's to capture all the cute little oddities sitting right under our noses.  A quick search on the internet reveals that there are an estimated 20,000 types of butterflies, give or take a thousand or two.  I look around me everyday at the hidden treasures here in our world.  Something like the Easter bunny is something cute and enjoyable.  I imagine that if Christ were here now, He would enjoy a good Easter egg hunt.  May your day be blessed with hidden treasures and bits of delight. 

All of these found here.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Good Friday

Today is the day.  The one that Roman Soldiers thought would end this talk of Jesus.  The Jewish leaders believed the threat of Jesus over throwing their power would be gone.  Neither suspected that they were puppets used to finish the work that Jesus Christ was sent to do.  Gethsemane was over.  Crucifixion, their final solution, to remove a rebel leader.  But Jesus Christ was no ordinary man.  He sought to change the hearts of all people.  Your heart may be changed or not by faith in Jesus Christ.  If he were simply a rebel leader, his actions would have sunk into oblivion thousands of years ago.  But our years are counted by this single event.  2014 years since Christ was crucified, give or take a year or two depending on the debate of calendars.  People can agree or disagree.  Wars and cruelty done in His name.  It is my testimony, that the Good part of Friday over 2 thousand years ago that people put in motion the final piece.  They crucified Christ just as the prophecies fore told.  Christ finished the work His Father sent him to do.  He died that all might live again. 

Jesus was No Ordinary Man

Finally recovering

Think Positive: For example, I just fell down the stairs today and thought, "Wow, I fell down those stairs fast." - Unknown ( and likely to stay that way.) 

Shortly after Christmas I hurt my leg.  I had to take pain killers for the drive home from work.  Then few weeks ago, I learned how to fall in karate.  The next day, rainy conditions made for a hazardous sidewalk.  I slipped and crashed to the ground and used the technique I learned the day before.  I busted a blood vessel in my finger but otherwise just a bunch of bruising.  I joked that I just had an instant bone density test.  Falling on concrete and not breaking anything means my bones are in great shape.  A real concern when osteoporosis showed up on both sides of my family.  Tonight, working out I was delighted to realize that I could do almost all the moves I learned so far.  My body is finally recovering from Christmas misadventures.  Hopefully the rest of me will finally start to feel like I have recovered from the yearly seasonal depression.  Don't get me wrong.  I love Christmas and Thanksgiving and Halloween and New Year Day and I hate all the stress and expectations that trigger all sorts of negative emotions.  Humor goes a long way to helping me survive all sorts of things.  But the season is just tough.  I am getting better and better at coping with the holidays.  Hoping someday that it will lose its dark cloud that hovers at the edge of the horizon threatening to obliterate me if I don't stay vigilant over the holidays.    

Wilderness I-Spy
Wow Nelly
Turkey butt.....really it is the backside of a turkey.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Brick walls are just there

RESTORATION: I learned this, at least, by my experiment: if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors, to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours—Henry David Thoreau

Well my experience is vastly different.  We lived in a small town in Washington state when our kids were small.  The house was remodeled in 1960...finally put in an indoor bathroom.  There wasn't an even floor in the house.  The bedroom door couldn't close all the way because the floor kept it from shutting.  I came home late one evening and the house was all in darkness.  Being polite, I crept through the house without turning on the lights so I wouldn't wake up any of the kids.  (I knew better than to ever wake up a sleeping child.)  I was walking towards my dreams of sleep when POW....I ran smack dab into the closed bedroom door with my husband laughing his head off on the other side.  He had fixed the door and decided to 'surprise' me.  I was surprised all right.  The memory still makes me chuckle.  But my life is like that, I am walking along feeling like life is going pretty well when BAM something smacks me in the face for no particular reason or a trigger or getting sick or life just happens.  NOTHING in my life went as I expected.  I learned that after plan B comes plan C and plan D and I get discouraged when I get to plan ZZ.  What I learned if you don't move, you don't go anywhere.  Change is not always for the better....'the out of the frying pan and into the fire' cliche has real merit.  Success is not always what I expected it to be.  More than once I sustained whiplash from the rapid reversals in my life.  9:00 AM I had a job then 5 PM I was moved completely out of my office with all my accumulated junk.  That was 5 years ago and I am still trying to get my feet under me where I feel like I am moving towards my dreams.  I have them now.  Life just keeps happening.  So I keep moving and I get some interesting surprises.


Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Bursting Seeds

Found on Facebook.....I have awesome friends that post very cool stuff on Facebook.  It is where I go for my daily dose of beauty and inspiration. 

For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone.  The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes.  To someone who doesn't understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.   - Cynthia Occelli  (found her web page

The preschool children where I work have seeds in plastic bags in the window.  The beans were soaked in water and they are bursting forth with delicate roots and stringy green tops that are seeking light to grow.  The beans are swollen and split.  The destruction is the step before incredible growth.  I think this goes with the quote taught to me by MyCounselor, "When you think things are falling apart, perhaps they are actually falling together." Now, if I can just remember this on the days my world falls apart. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

The Empty Egg

I was sent this to me in an email years and years ago when email was still fun and not a bunch of advertisements.  Before Facebook.  Before Blogs....yup the early years.

The Empty Egg

Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind.  At the age of 12, was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn.  His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him.  He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises.
At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain.  Most of the time, however, Jeremy irritated his teacher. One day she called his parents and asked them to come for a consultation.  As the Foresters entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a 'special' school.  It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems.  Why, there is a five-year gap between his age and that of the other students."
Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "There is no school of that kind nearby.  It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school.  We know he really likes it here."  Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window.  Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Foresters.  After all, their only child had a terminal illness.  But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class.  She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction.
Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write.  Why waste any more time trying? As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her.  Here  I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that  poor family, she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with Jeremy.  From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and his blank stares.
Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him. "I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red.  She stammered, "Wh-why that's very nice, Jeremy. N-now please take your seat."
Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter.  Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg.  "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life.  Do you understand?"
"Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically, all except for Jeremy.  He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises.  Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection?  Did he understand the assignment?
Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them. That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up.  She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it.  After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parents.
The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk.
After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower.  "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said.  "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm.
"That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out.  The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real.  Doris held it up.  "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly.  Yes, that's new life, too." Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."  Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it.  She explained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "Daddy helped me," he beamed.  Then Doris opened the fourth egg.
She gasped.  The egg was empty.  Surely it must be Jeremy's she thought, and of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents.  Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another. Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up.  "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty."  He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."  Time stopped.
When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in there then his Father raised Him up." The recess bell rang.  While the children excitedly ran out to the schoolyard, Doris cried.  The cold inside her melted completely away.
Three months later, Jeremy died.  Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.