Sunday, October 31, 2010

Looking for good

Quote sent by Innerkiddies:

I am at a place in my mind where I can see goodness and love in my life.  As I see the goodness all around me it allows me to accept even more.  All I have to do is be open and alert to accept the good that is mine.

Interesting thing about seeing good or bad is you see what you focus on.  I did some photography experiments where I would focus on something good in a scene then I would refocus the camera on something unpleasant in the same scene.  The picture became what ever the main focus emphasized.    

Another quote that I kept on my bedroom door as a teenager:

You can morn because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.  

Hardest thing about counseling was during the sessions I focused on what was wrong with me.  I wanted to fix why I would get so confused, depressed, anxious, angry, and all the other problems I faced.  But when I only focused on these things I felt more and more like I was a bad person.  I am working on learning balancing understanding why depression seems to sneak up on me at every corner and learning that sometimes I just need to turn around and look at the bright and beautiful.  I purposely sign up for websites that send happy and uplifting thoughts or pictures.  If their overall message is negative I get off their email list.  I like Zig Ziglar's comment:  

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.”

Hope you have a Happy Halloween. 

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Amazing Juggling Finale

Too good not to share.

Job hunting

My Resume ...

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind.


Friendship isn't a big thing, its a million little things.
-- Source Unknown

Monday, October 25, 2010

Team Work

I am learning a lot these days about the importance of team work.  Everywhere you look you see team building posters, hear about team building retreats, even commercials jump in with team building products.  So who is on my team?
When I had cancer I had the GP doctor that picked up on the information reported by the doctor that read my 2nd mammogram that I had a problem.  Then I was sent to a surgeon that sent me on several more rounds of tests with ultrasounds and followup mammogram.  The the biopsy with the surgeon, anesthesiologist, many nurses and others to assist.  Then round two came with the same surgeon, different anesthesiologist, more nurses and more people assisting at every level.  It was an amazing experience to have all these people working together to help me beat cancer.  Now in celebration every year I walk with my daughter's team in the Komen Race for the Cure with a over 30,000 people on the team to beat cancer.  
Two years after cancer I started marriage counseling.  It started easy enough.  I wanted to learn how to communicate.  I figured it would be a summer project.  After all it was less than 7 months from the time I found out I had cancer until after the second surgery.  A little emotional problem, couple of months tops.  I planned for 4 months; after cancer this should be easy.  Was I ever in for a rude awakening.  Not only did it take much longer than the original 4 months, about 5 years into counseling KavinCoach asked if I would rather be a pioneer suffering on the Great Plains in winter or do counseling?  My reply was simple, I would rather have cancer again then to do this.  With cancer I had a huge team helping me.  
This week my eyes were opened to the fact that I still have a team.  I have friends that are amazing.  Family members that are supportive.  Web links that have led to others in different places.  My team isn't huge like for the cancer walks but I decided it is more like the teams that climb Mount Everest.  A majority of my team members are struggling with emotional issues or have already moved through counseling and understand what I am up against. They listen when I babble out my frustration.  They send encouraging emails or notes when I am having a rough time.  They share suggestions that help me take another step forward.  Or they comfort me when a back slide happened.  One such friend shared an excellent idea that would help me.  I thanked her and said I would try the same.  Her email back was a question, "Isn't that like the blind leading the blind?"  I decided ~ no.  We are both aware of the challenges we are facing.  We both want to move forward.  Like hikers on Mount Everest, we have chosen to connect together to help each other move forward.  God has blessed me with some amazing team members.  Some of you read my blog.  Others don't.  This week I had to really open my eyes and I am thankful to so many people that each help out in different ways.   Do you have a blog that you share your challenges and your triumphs?  To help with a little team building, if you have a blog that you share your own struggles and would like to add your blog to my resource page, drop a link in the comment box and we can multiply the connections.  
One page that I am starting to frequent that is not for the faint at heart is a web page called  
This blog you can share your hurt and the support is amazing.  I believe it is moderated in a way that helps a lot of people find a voice and a place to say, "This was lousy."  Pick and choose what you want to read.  
 “Always Loved, Never Forgotten” at Here is the introduction to the web page:
Do you have someone you really want to share with the world?
This site is for anyone that would like to share someone with the world, the lessons they taught us, and the ripple their loss left behind with the world. They may be gone from this world but they still mean so much! This site is for YOU!
Share your grief, joy, pain, and most of all the person that left you behind with the world! If you’d like to send me a word document with an article about someone you’d like to share on this website please contact me on my website.
Deena's Place has some beautiful poetry that I have shared and enjoyed combining her words with my pictures.
Do you have a tough task?  Who are your team members?  I looked around at the people on my team and feel blessed by what has led each one into my life.  I am saying a prayer of thanks as to how each was led to me.  

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things 
I cannot change; 
courage to change the things 
I can;
and wisdom to 
know the difference. 

Reinhold Niebuhr

Friday, October 22, 2010

Ask and you will know

I dropped a comment to Simply Diane, who shares her writing ideas at this entry had Stacey Charter's quote and this is the link Simply Diane shared:
This links to Stacey's profile.
I think Stacey is a hero.  She is choosing to take back her life from PTSD. Thanks Simply Diane for a great post.  

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Matches My Mood

One of the fascinating things with dealing with emotions is that sometimes you have no words to describe it.  

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Stacy Charter Quotes

I am trying to figure out who she is because I like what she has to say.  One of my weekly blogs posted a quote that I like so well that I went hunting to find out more about her.  I would write and ask permission to use her quotes but I can't find her.  I include the link of each of the web pages that I found her quotes.  I didn't really pay attention to what else was on the page so go there at your own risk.  
What I have found so far:
“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.
When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
Copyright © 2000 Stacey Charter

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rock my world

Several times my world has been rocked.  Sometimes beautifully and magically like when I married and each one of my amazing children.  And other times not so wonderfully like when I found out I was a multiple, again when I integrated (shocked to find out that there was a steep learning curve to living as a singleton) and now tonight.  Kavincoach said yes to a great opportunity for him in another state.  I was blessed with paying attention to warning signs that things were changing.  Thanks to an awesome new friend I am looking at a different counselor, Kavincoach suggested 2 and I get to choose.  I always appreciated that about Kavincoach, he taught me I have choices.  He also reminded me that I could probably be ok without counseling.  I survived without him before and I will survive after but having someone that has a different perspective and an ability to share that perspective has some healthy results for me.  Amazing how just last Sunday I wrote here how with God all things are possible.  I will be praying about where I will go from here.  For any one that is facing a major change, you are in my prayers.  Change is inevitable and I have learned that I can cope with what comes my way. 

Monday, October 18, 2010


This was sent to me via email.  I attempted to find the source and discovered so many sources of different ones I don't know who to credit.  Enjoy ~

paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax.

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Ø Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
  (My favorite :)

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

Ø When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Ø If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Ø I am neither for nor against apathy.

Friendship isn't a big thing, its a million little things.
-- Source Unknown

Sunday, October 17, 2010

with God all things are possible

Matthew 19:26-25
25 When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved?
26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
I decided to go back to the original source of this quote, "With God all things are Possible."  The disciples had asked about the young wealthy man that was told to give away all his riches and follow Christ.  The young man went away sorrowing. Jesus went on to tell his disciples that it was easier for a camel to get through an eye of a needle* than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.  The disciples then asked the question in verse 25.  "Who then can be saved?"  I believe that sometimes we get caught up in the TV hype that all good things goes to the wealthy and well connected.  The one thing I struggled with is feeling that I could not do what needed to be done.  I felt that my lack made me worthless.  I wasn't the smartest, I didn't understand people, I got mixed up by time, I could make massive lists of my faults and short comings.  The over all message ~ I was insignificant and I was faced with an impossible task, living.  Could Christ statement "with God all things are possible" apply to me?  
Growing up I discovered one amazing talent.  I am very good at math.  I joke with people that if you can put anything into an equation, I will understand it.   so here is my equation:
Infinity plus any number is Infinity.  
              1 +   ∞ = ∞    
              me + God = Infinite
I can be the smallest fraction or a negative number but once I am with God, I become infinite.  
I have learned over and over again that when I am faced with an insurmountable problem, pray, study, listen, and follow.  My first impossible task was that I passed out daily and after several rounds of doctors no one had any answers for me.  I prayed for help.  I studied all I could about what seemed to be wrong with me.  I would go to the library to get books and then I would hear in my mind "get this other book."  The "other" book would hold another piece of the puzzle.  After 7 years of studying and applying what I learned I was able to work full time.  I had gone from being up 20 minutes a day to working a full time job.  I did the impossible, but I know I didn't do it alone.  With God, I could do anything.  I then had cancer.  With doctor's helps and God's help, I survived that, too.  Then I started counseling.  I believe that God led me to Kavincoach to be my counselor, but I still had to study, learn new ways of living, and follow new ways.  To some, PTSD with DID is considered impossible.  That's OK.  It may be the hardest thing I have ever done. That's OK.  With God, I can do anything.   
*An eye of a needle is a tiny gate on one of the side walls of a city.  In order for the camel to get through all of the burdens must be removed from his back. Follow the link for a picture of an eye of a needle.  

Friday, October 15, 2010

Help me make it through the night...

Night... Ugh!  By the time I was 30 I was so far into sleep deprivation that the doctors didn't recognize it for what it was.  It took me several years of counseling before I understood, I hated sleeping.  In the night while sleeping is when my nightmares would be unleashed.  How do you desensitize night?  It comes every sundown.  I once dreamed of sailing in a boat as the world turned to always stay in the light.  I finally gave in and bought night lights so if I wake up, I know immediately where I am.  Light can banish my nightmares.  I still tend to stay up until I am bone, weary and as soon as my head hits the pillow I am asleep.  Six hours later I am up and going again.  This is a huge improvement from the 4 hours a night I used to do.  Top it all off I have sleep apnea.  I actually stop breathing during the night then wake up gasping for breath.  I tried treatment but it involved having a mask on face.  The third time I scratched up my face taking it off while I was still asleep, I decided that this was not going to work for me.  What to do? What to do?  I decided to redefine night and darkness.  Darkness is the darkroom so I can develop film.  Night is for awesome photographs and quiet time.  Night is when the ants go away and stop eating my kitty's food.  I am taking steps to redefine what night means to me. 

DesignZZZ Shared some beautiful night pictures.

Why I think counseling is important...

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." -Albert Einstein

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


DISABLED has plenty of nasty connotations.  It was also the label I received when my diagnosis went to my place of employment.  They called me Emotionally Disabled.  Actually, I found the label interesting because it was a step up from liar, lazy, stupid, useless, selfish... the list was fairly endless.  One person said it best - Lights are on, but nobody's home.  Actually during the time I was told that, Nobodies home would have been more accurate.  One of my friends kindly told me that I didn't seem odd or different when I was a multiple.  Actually in 6th grade my friends signed my annual - "To the Nut."  The general consensus was, I was crazy.  (Kids can be pretty sharp.)  So from that time forward, I started being more careful what I said.  I also separated my friends to at school, after school, and those I took home, which was fairly small group.  I learned not to say what was on my mind.  I learned to adapt to what ever environment I was in.  What I didn't know growing up, was that switching between alters is what made adapting so easy for me.  I joked that I was chameleon and could blend in anywhere.  I didn't consider my talent as a disability.  I quickly found out that you can share your fear of cancer and you will have thousands supporting you.  When I shared my reality of DID, I became a person that some people avoided.  I didn't change with the diagnosis.  It was just that what I did to survive had a name.  Many never noticed what I did because most of splitting happens on the inside.  The movie Sybil exaggerated the changes between alters so that movie goers could see what was happening.  For me, the changes were like somebody standing behind a sheer curtain.  You see them sort of but not completely.  That was how the switches worked for me.  I like what one friend wrote to me:        
         I still hate that label.  If disability goes hand in hand with   
         perfection, then everyone (save Heavenly Father and Jesus 
         Christ) is disabled.   I'm perfectly ok with not being perfect.  
         I am capable of many things. 

Monday, October 11, 2010

JD's Rules for Life

My rules for life: 
  • Everything great started with an idea and the passion of one person; I can be that person.
  • I can wag the dog; I may just need to understand the dog better
  • NO BS - I will succeed through honesty and by delivering value not through trickery
  • I will always stretch the boundaries of who I am
  • when I fail I will find the lesson from that failure
  • it is ok to change direction but I will always keep moving forward
  • I will never give up as long as I keep breathing
  • Even when others doubt my path I will not let it sway me 
  • If I am afraid that is a terrific reason to say 'Yes' to a new opportunity
I had a great opportunity to visit with JD on a wide range of topics.  After several emails he sent his rules for living.  I asked if I could share them.  I like getting a variety of opinions on how to live.  I know how to survive, I am looking for a better understanding of what it means to thrive.  Thanks JD.  

Sunday, October 10, 2010


Before I started counseling I had breast cancer.  I was so horrified that the first time I said the words, "I have cancer."  I passed out.  I am now thankful I had cancer.  I do not wish cancer on anyone.  But cancer taught me somethings that helped me during counseling.  My big C was really counseling and finding out I had PTSD with dissociation at a severe level.  DID, MPD all became acronyms that made cancer look down right doable.  Today I walked in a 5K for fighting cancer with over 30,000 people.  The hard thing about PTSD you won't find very many people in your parade.  The ones that did join and help me through counseling are the incredible people of my life.  Thank you.  I also agree that one of my greatest helps is my faith in Christ.  The scripture applies to whatever difficult task you face.      

This came from DaySpring Ecard.  Click here to see the card.  It is the one with the butterfly.  
You are a fighter, a survivor, a woman (or man) of faith. You are a tough opponent for any challenge.
Even the big "C" is no match for you because you belong to an even bigger"C"...Christ.
He is with you and many prayers are for you as you fight this battle.
You answer me and encourage me by giving me the strength I need. Psalm 138:3 TLB

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Article on Contrition...

I visited one of the blogs I follow and found an interesting article that explains the difference between regret and contrition.  I think it is worth the time to read: 
Amazing how the more I learn and share, the more information comes my way.  Including my book on the Garbage Truck Law arrived, new reading assignment.  

Thinking sideways

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are  XL.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

 Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.  I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, 
think of Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.  Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Friday, October 8, 2010

Innerkiddies sends quote

Innerkiddies is one of the webpages on the Resources Web Pages.  I signed up to get her daily quotes that she sends out.  I find that I need encouragement daily.  I like this quote that was sent the other day.  

Life is God's greatest gift to man, and what we do with our life is our gift to God.  Franklin D. Richards

Thursday, October 7, 2010

New weekly scripture

Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for indue season we shall reap, if we faint not.

The bamboo video illustrates this so well in an earlier post.  I started counseling with the idea that it was a summer project.  I had no idea what I was facing.  Then, I thought it would be a year.  Then, I realized that I needed to do more research and started finding times for integration like 14 years, 8 years, and for me 5 years just like the bamboo.  Then after integration there is still behaviors to learn that everybody else took 18 years to learn if you count from birth to adulthood.  There are also those that choose not to learn anything and stay at some level that is comfortable for them.  They give up.
The more I learn, the more confident I feel.  After 7 years in counseling I am starting to reap some of the rewards for a lot of hard work.  I appreciate KavinCoach's patience in reteaching me how to live.  I appreciate his encouragement when I wanted to give up.  With long term projects, there are plenty of times when I simply wanted to give up and not try so hard any more.  Bamboo and integration 'in due season' means a lot longer than a year.    


The Inspiration By God Newsletter
Dear Ruth,
The bamboo plant is a good parable to life.  Aside from being a valuable and versatile plant, there is something very unique about the bamboo plant.
 After the seed for this amazing plant is planted you see nothing, absolutely nothing, for four years except for a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb. During the fifth year is when everything comes together and the plant shoots up to eighty feet in height.
 Click here for video:-->> Watch Video
We hope you will enjoy the teachings of the Bamboo in this video.
Galatians 6:9 
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 
Best Wishes,
Mary Writer
Inspiration By God

Questions with Questionable Answers

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? 
Tame Way.

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through 
The Forest ?
They Take The Psychopath

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

You Boil The Hell Out Of It

5. What Do Fish Say When They 
Hit a Concrete Wall?

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting 
On The Ice too Long?

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang 
That Doesn't work?
A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk. 

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?


13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served 
On The Titanic?

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants 
Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a  
Arkansas  Tornado And a TennesseeDivorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

  Support bacteria. 
They're the only culture 
some people have.