Questions with Questionable Answers

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?  Tame Way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through  The Forest ? They Take The Psychopath 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It 5. What Do Fish Say When They  Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting  On The Ice too Long? Polaroids

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang 

That Doesn't work?

A Stick

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

Nacho Cheese.

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

Subordinate Clauses.

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

Quatro Cinco.

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

Spoiled Milk. 

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

Frostbite.

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

A Nervous Wreck.

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

Anyone Can Roast Beef.

15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?

Right Where You Left Him.

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

Because They Have Big Fingers.

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

Because It Scares The Dog.

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served 

On The Titanic?

Sanka.

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!

The Location Of The Dirt Bag.

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants 

Always Fall Down?

Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.

22. How Are a  Arkansas  Tornado And a TennesseeDivorce The Same?

Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

 

  ***

  Support bacteria. 

They're the only culture 

some people have.

The Mayonnaise Jar

This came in an email.  I tried to verify who wrote it and the only name I found was Laura Bankston.  I then tried to track her down via the internet.  A lot of people came up as possibilities.  I like to give credit to the correct author.  I did come across several debates on the soundness of the philosophy and a general consensus that the professors they knew would never do anything so interesting.  I know that the same demonstration has been done for motivational speeches.  Regardless of the source I have learned several things.  The little stuff will fill up every minute of the day if you let it.  If their are big events, I can still fit small bits of pieces in between.  I don't drink coffee but I can't imagine wanting to drink it after it was mixed with sand.  Sometimes I need to clear some time for my friends since they are often really the big stuff in life.   


The Mayonnaise  Jar  Possibly by Laura Bankston 

When  things in your life seem almost too much to handle, 
When 24  hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of  coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy  class
and  had some items in front of him. 
When the class began, wordlessly, 
he  picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and start to fill it with  golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was. 

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and  poured
it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. H e then asked the students again 
if the jar was full. They agreed it was. 

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else 
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous  'yes.' 

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the  table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed. 

'Now,' said the  professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. 
The golf balls are the important things - God,  family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions
Things  that if everything else was lost
and  only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car. 

The sand is everything else -- 
The small stuff. 

'If you put the sand into the jar  first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf  balls.
The same goes for life. 

If you spend all your time and energy  on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that  are
important to you. 

So... 

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. 
Take time to get medical checkups. 
Take your partner out to dinner. 

There will always be time
to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first -- 
The things that really  matter. 
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand 
and inquired what the coffee represented. 

The  professor smiled. 

'I'm glad you asked'. 

It just goes to show you that  no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Just for fun

 Birds of a feather flock together . . . and then poop on your car.


The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..


If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Möbius strip

My second photography class our assignment was to create a series of self portrait pictures that shared who we were.  We did not have to include ourselves in the picture.  We needed 8 to 15 pictures.  We used black and white film that we processed and printed ourselves.  


I took this class before counseling (bc).  By this time, I had done several photography projects and I felt confident doing this one.  (Completely irrelevant side note.  I took photography 101 twice.  Once for my job, I loved my job, and once for credit.  This was my second round of creating groups of pictures that related to each other.)  I took my camera, a couple of rolls of film, and hunted for pictures that described me.  I took two rolls of film.  After developing the film I made contact sheets which is a process of cutting the film into strips, laying them on photographic paper then having tiny 1:1 pictures of the film I just taken.  I finished my contact sheets and started studying them.  My mind reeled.  I had no idea where some of the images came from.  I didn't even know when the pictures were taken.  I was baffled by the variety of images.  I felt like I had stumbled into one of those mirror mazes where the mirrors are all distorted and you suddenly look short and fat, tall and skinny or warped in any variety of ways.  As I progressed through the project I grew more and more agitated.  I discussed my concerns with the grad student teaching the class.  She was reassuring and encouraged me not to try to pre-visualize the project.  Allow the project to take me where it wanted to go. 


 I started printing pictures.  Some I didn't use because they didn't seem to fit.  Yet I knew intellectually I had taken the pictures for this project.  Where had they come from?  As I printed the pictures I didn't feel satisfied with the idea of just lining them up in a row along the wall.  My back ground in math led me to one of the strangest ways of presenting my prints.  The pictures were 8x10 size and I created a huge Möbius strip to present my pictures.  The pictures twisted around the strip and had to be suspended from the ceiling since it didn't lay flat.  (A  Möbius strip is a one sided figure created by using a long strip of paper. Twist the paper one half twist then tape the ends of the paper to form a loop.  If you put a pencil on the surface you can move the paper under the pencil until you get back to where you started without lifting your pencil.)  My anxiety shot through the roof as my fellow students gawked, prodded and examined my strange way of presenting photographs.  I saved every project except this one.  As soon as the teacher gave me a grade I dismantled the project.  I was upset, baffled, scared, there were so many adjectives to describe how I felt; it was like an inner train wreck but I din't know what I crashed into.  


Years later I told KavinCoach about my project.  He didn't know what a Möbius strip was so I brought one that I made.  I also brought scissors and showed that if you cut along the line you do not get two Möbius strips but instead you end up with a larger loop with 2 twists in it.  Another characteristic of the Möbius strip is you can't look at everything at once.  If one side is revealed, another part is hidden.  KavinCoach asked to keep one of the  Möbius strips I made.  He recognized that without counseling I had found a way to describe how I functioned as a multiple personality.  If one personality was showing, the others were hidden.  KavinCoach gave me a name for what I already knew I was doing, Dissociative Identity Disorder (http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/dissociative-identity-disorder-multiple-personality-disorder)  formerly called Multiple Personality Disorder.  I had a name for what I already knew I did.  Now I have integrated, which for me is no less disturbing.  I am still learning how to function as a single personality.   


PS Not Moebius Syndrome.  I didn't know this existed until I Googled moebius strip to find a link for a definition and picture.  The symbol used is an elaborate Moebius strip. 

Garbage Truck Experience

A while back an email arrived that had a great story.  I tracked down the original author  
David J. Pollay.  
http://bewareofgarbagetrucks.com/wordpress/about/
I emailed him and he has given me permission to repost his story.  What is so cool about getting his permission today is I had a Garbage truck experience today.  I was trying to merge into traffic before getting booted on to the wrong free way.  I had to slow down to get over.  The person behind me honked.  Scared the daylights out of me then I thought of David's story and smiled in his direction and prayed that he would have a better day.  I don't know if my attitude helped him.  But it sure did help me.  Thanks David for allowing me to share.  


For those of you that like YouTube mini-movies click HERE


The Law of the Garbage Truck

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of your success is how quickly you can refocus on what's important in your life. 

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. And I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened. 

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, the car skidded, the tires squealed, and at the very last moment our car stopped just one inch from the other car's back-end. 

I couldn't believe it. But then I couldn't believe what happened next. The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. How do I know? Ask any New Yorker, some words in New York come with a special face. And he even threw in a one finger salute! I couldn't believe it! 

But then here's what really blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that!? This guy could have killed us!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck™." He said:

"Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. 

So when someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You'll be happier."

So I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the street? It was then that I said, "I don't want their garbage and I'm not going to spread it anymore." 

I began to see Garbage Trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to dump it. And like my taxi driver, I don't take it personally; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on. 

One of my favorite football players of all time was Walter Payton. Every day on the football field, after being tackled, he would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best. Over the years the best players from around the world in every sport have played this way: Muhammad Ali, Nadia Comaneci, Bjorn Borg, Chris Evert, Michael Jordan, Jackie Robinson, and Pele are just some of those players. And the most inspiring leaders have lived this way: Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King. 

See, Roy Baumeister, a psychology researcher from Florida State University, found in his extensive research that you remember bad things more often than good things in your life. You store the bad memories more easily, and you recall them more frequently.

So the odds are against you when a Garbage Truck comes your way. But when you follow The Law of the Garbage Truck™, you take back control of your life. You make room for the good by letting go of the bad. 

The best leaders know that they have to be ready for their next meeting. The best sales people know that they have to be ready for their next client. And the best parents know that they have to be ready to greet their children with hugs and kisses, no matter how many garbage trucks they might have faced that day. All of us know that we have to be fully present, and at our best for the people we care about. 

The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their lives. 

What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by? 

Here's my bet: You'll be happier. 

— DAVID J. POLLAY 

Copyright 2004 - 2010 David J. Pollay

That was Different

One of the blogs I followed shared an article in Psychology Today how childhood doesn't really effect us as adults.  The other writer spoke up and I decided to add my two cents.

My input:
Myth of your own-

 "What such conclusion fails to consider is the fact that those who had chaotic childhoods and ended up untroubled do not show up at psychologists’ offices; and they happen to be the majority."


You leave out the possibilities that people do not go to see therapist for a huge variety of reasons, fear, shame, misunderstanding the process, concern about being fired from a job, and the list goes on.  In reality there is no way to measure why people do not see a therapist.  Your conclusion that if you do not see a therapist than you are not troubled by your childhood to me is a bit of a leap.  


Now I do agree with you that as adults we can choose how our past will effect us.  From the tone of your article you did not have a childhood from hell.  Like all things in life, childhoods come on a continuum.  I happened to have one of those childhoods from hell that I didn't remember most of it.  My childhood does effect my behavior.  I am not violent.  I am troubled.  And I am blessed with getting competent counseling.  I would not be where I am today without acknowledging and accepting that my childhood influenced my adult behavior. 

Triggers were my first introduction to the influence my childhood had on my adult behavior.   Like nightmarish land mines: if a smell, picture, or event duplicated my past I would react in ways that made no sense to my adult reasoning.  Big enough trigger could cause a flash back with devastating results.  Trying to have a feel good approach that you don't need to worry about how you treat your children comes across callous and unfeeling.  From his response to comments it was not his intent to sound callous.  I will be interested if he responds.  I suspect he will answer since he is a teacher and probably can't resist proving his point.  Thanks Upsi for sharing your response.  
NEW:
Thanks Upsi for some more wonderful comments on the article.  I stopped commenting because I recognized in the author that type of 'I am right and you are wrong no matter how illogical I sound.'  The thought of pounding my head against the wall didn't appeal to me.  I am super proud of Upsi.  I am glad to know that there are people like her defending children.