Difficult conversations

9 Powerful Steps to Manage Difficult Conversations Like a Pro

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosalie-puiman/9-easy-steps-to-manage-difficult-conversations-like-a-pro_b_5861116.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000039&ir=Fifty

I'm always on the look out for information on how to interact better with people.  I tend to shut down during difficult conversations. 

I have not succeeded on using these suggestions.  I post it here to keep it marked so I can go back and review ideas.

#7 is extremely difficult when I often don't know what I feel about a conversation until hours or days later. 

If I know a difficult conversation is coming up, I prefer to talk it over with my counselor and review different options of how to handle the conversation.  I realize that one of the suggestions is not to "over prepare."  I don't expect the conversation I practice to be the one I actually have with the person I am talking to.  I am hoping to review this many more times.  I feel that these are key ideas to communicating.  Not every conversation is with a friend in complete agreement with me.  I would add a step before the conversation I would pray.  With someone I love and shares my faith in Christ, I actually say a prayer with them and invite the Holy Spirit to prepare the way for both people. 

Guidance

Cowboys-4-Christ

~ When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God’s will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another. It’s as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other. My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G" I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i". "God," "u" and "i" dance." God, you and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead. My prayer for you today is that God’s blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life. May He have the next dance?

"You changed my mourning into dancing…"
Psalm 30:11
By, Jean Rhodes
*God bless and keep sharing the Good News !!! ~ C4C

I pray for guidance.  I feel unsure.  Am I listening to God's promptings or is it my own desires pushing me forward?  I like this visual of a dance.  It reminds me of another poem.

New Footprints....the author has copyrighted the poem but I found a link on line.  Enjoy.

http://www.wowzone.com/prints2.htm

How do you think your mental health will effect our family in the future?

  This is a series of post answering questions posed by Kevin's daughter.  I asked permission to answer each of these questions as if I was answering my adult children.  I will also include a link to Kevin's answer. (I don't read his blog until after I write mine.)


http://voicesofglass.wordpress.com/2014/09/25/how-do-you-think-your-mental-health-will-effect-our-family-in-the-future-qtapwmi-day-14/

14. How do you think your mental health will effect our family in the future?

I could have easily answered this before last summer.  Last summer, my Dad had pace maker to prevent a heart attack.  My mother spiraled out of control wrecking havoc.  I realized how quickly a rhythm of living can be shook up and derailed.  I would love to say that my mental illness will not effect our family in the future but I would be creating an illusion that would eventually explode.  I don't know what the future will hold.  What I want to do is continue to better learn how to manage PTSD.  Teach all of you that it is ok to reach out to a counselor or others to learn better ways of living than you were taught.  I hope that as I heal each relationship may become healthier.  I know that some of this progress will mean apologizing for past mistakes and acknowledging old hurts.  Several of you kids have already addressed this with me.  I prefer to take responsibility for my actions rather allowing anything to fester and cause hard feelings in our future.  I am also aware that being human I will make mistakes in the future too.  I hope that our relationship is such that we can openly talk about how we feel and work to find ways to strengthen each other.  Ideally we get to live happily ever after.  This isn't a story book.  I remember quite clearly the devastation I felt when I found out I had cancer 13 years ago.  These abrupt changes happen.  However, I have goals to strengthen and develop our relationships.  This bonding is slow going for me.  Not your fault and I appreciate the patience you have with me.  I look to the future and feel hopeful.  That is a lovely feeling that I felt only in the last few years.  I feel like our future is bright.

How do you think your mental health effected our family in the past?

  This is a series of post answering questions posed by Kevin's daughter.  I asked permission to answer each of these questions as if I was answering my adult children.  I will also include a link to Kevin's answer. (I don't read his blog until after I write mine.)

http://voicesofglass.wordpress.com/2014/09/24/how-do-you-think-your-mental-health-effected-our-family-in-the-past-qtapwmi-day-13/

13. How do you think your mental health effected our family in the past?

The short answer, it nearly destroyed me so it nearly destroyed our family.  Part of the problem was we didn't know what was wrong with me.  Years of being told my behavior was 'normal' left us with a lot of confusion and conflict.  It affected my ability to care for the family.  It affected my relationship with DH and everyone else around me.  It was destroying my health and all doctors told me was my medical test came back in 'normal' range.  You notice I keep putting normal in single quote marks.  My opinion of 'normal' is it is a setting on a drier.   Doctors told me I needed counseling and I challenged them, "If it is all in my head, why do I hurt so much?"  I know that answer now but I didn't learn it from a doctor.  Part of the reason I feel like my PTSD has a small impact on our family now because the depths of hell we pulled out of were so deep that how it interferes now is mild in comparison.  I realize that PTSD is still a big part of my life but it no longer rules my life.  I didn't like the horrible mess I was in and pulling my family down with me.  I started doing my own research.

John 16:13 Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.  

I first researched physical problems and learned plenty.  I learned that the first doctor telling me that I was low on electrolytes but that isn't a big deal needed to go back to school.  Too low on electrolytes causes all sorts of health issues.  I learned about orphan illnesses that meant not enough people had the problem to make it worth studying or finding answers.  I learned about the mind-body connection.  When your body is hurting it intensifies mental illness, also mental illness causes physical ailments.  To become healthy, I needed to improve both.  I learned how prejudice and subtly ridiculing my parents were about someone that sought counseling. I was desperate when I finally sought help.  I sometimes wished I sought help early then I read the history of how they used to treat multiple personalities.  I am thankful I waited for an extraordinary counselor that led my out of the labyrinth of my mind.  I still live with PTSD.  I still mourn the loss of the years when I was raising our children.  I mourn the loss of my childhood.  I look forward to a much brighter future.   

Mental illness sometimes feels like an emotional prison.

Coming up out of the darkest depths the faintest light seems bright.

How do you think your mental health effects our family now?

This is a series of post answering questions posed by Kevin's daughter.  I asked permission to answer each of these questions as if I was answering my adult children.  I will also include a link to Kevin's answer. (I don't read his blog until after I write mine.)


http://voicesofglass.wordpress.com/2014/09/23/how-do-you-think-your-mental-health-effects-our-family-now-qtapwmi-day-12/

12. How do you think your mental health effects our family now?

This is a tough question.  I know how much my PTSD affected our family before I found out what it was.  Shadow boxing a mystery nearly destroyed our family.  Now, the improvement is huge, yet I still see how my mishandling my illness then and my struggles with PTSD now still impact family relationships.  However, something that KavinCoach pointed out to me was how often I blamed PTSD for everyday occurrences.  Families have struggles.  Different personalities thrown together by birth, six beautiful amazingly different siblings.  Two parents that hang together not because we are so much a like but rather we refuse to let our differences drive us a part.  Family dynamics increase exponentially with family size.  There is going to be conflict of some form between family members.  Old unresolved battles rattle around in every family skeleton closet.  But the effects of mental illness isn't just negative.  I watch each of our children reaching out to others.  I am impressed by the service each of you give.  I am thrilled to see your families growing and your willingness to tackle difficult problems.  PTSD is a big challenge, so was cancer and we weathered that too.  Disagreements are a something of a challenge for me.  I tend to drop into my role of peace-at-all-cost.  You kids remind me that sometimes it is important to stand up for myself.  My husband, children, and sister are my biggest cheerleaders.  I am looking forward to gathering this year.  I am getting a counselor to help me keep PTSD in place, under control by me.  I appreciate daughters and sons going out of their way to support me in our challenge of bring us together.  I am so thankful for the strength and acceptance I feel from our family.  I am thankful for the effort each person contributes to our family.  I am glad we all live in the same country now.  Learning how to live with my PTSD has positively impacted our family.

Our family finds love in difficult places.

Awesome friends

I enjoy Facebook because I have awesome friends that leave notes of encouragement, delightful pictures, and funny memes.  This one really hit home tonight.

Maura Weidl-Giles

When people are not able to communicate and connect with you in the way you need to, it makes you feel uncared for. And it’s so hard not to internalize that silence as a reflection on your worth. But the truth is that the way other people operate is not about you. Most people are so caught up in their own responsibilities, struggles, and anxiety that the thought of asking someone else how they’re doing doesn't even cross their mind. They aren't inherently bad or uncaring — they’re just busy and self-focused. And that’s okay. It’s not evidence of some fundamental failing on your part. It doesn't make you unlovable or invisible. It just means that those people aren't very good at looking beyond their own world. But the fact that you are — that despite the darkness you feel, you have the ability to share your love and light with others — is a strength. Your work isn't to change who you are; it’s to find people who are able to give you the connection you need. Because despite what you feel, you are not too much. You are not too sensitive or too needy. You are thoughtful and empathetic. You are compassionate and kind.

This also goes for people around me.  Sometimes when I am quiet, not communicating, and unable to connect, it is not about those around me, it is me.  I am the one retreating into my Dark Cave to try and sort out scattered and fragmented thoughts.   

I am working on the questions posted by another blogger's daughter.  Those questions are getting me to dig deep into how PTSD affects my relationship with my family.  I am pondering over these questions in a way that I have not done for quite sometime.  I am thankful that thanks to KavinCoach I am contemplating a choice between two good counselors.  Nice position to be in.  I am feeling deep gratitude for family, friends, and counselors that make my life much richer and happier place to be.  Thank you readers for sharing this journey.  

Resting for a moment