Retreat

Many people view a retreat as a get away.  Some place where no phone, electronics, or annoying people can reach you.  Some people consider retreating a failure.  I learned that there is another type of retreating which means I stop spreading myself so thin.  I stop most other activities accept the one I want to focus on.  All energies are focused on one objective.  That means I retreat from everything else for awhile.  2 more days until fashion show.  The major pieces are starting to come together.  Breathe....breathe....breathing.  Breathing is doable. 

I slept

This weekend I spent a good share of my time sleeping or playing Happy acres on Facebook.  I am feeling rested but with the underlying dread of pedal to the metal this will be a high stress week.  Fashion show on Thursday.  I know all the complex pieces that need to come together for this one moment.  I remind myself 4 more days and it is all finished.  I am super excited about the pieces the students created.  Now the rest of the show will be borrowed.  A thousand things need to be done between now and then.  I am working at keeping my 'grin-and-bare-it' part of my personality tightly leashed. I am focusing on one thing a day that is a must then cramming as much of the other stuff in that I can possibly do. 

Enjoy your day.....it is the only one that counts.  Yesterday is gone and done, tomorrow is yet to be.  Today is the one that counts. 

My job is to rest.

High stress at work leaves me overwhelmed, exhausted and easily ruffled.  I also struggle with swallowing food, sleeping, and relaxing.  My job this weekend is to rest, rest, rest, rest...did I say rest?  Yea, the big push to the end of the nine weeks of school and the fashion show.  I am watching the pieces starting to fall into place.  It is like the last 10 pieces that need to go into a 1000 piece puzzle.  Those pieces are needed but only fit if everything else is in the right place.  I am using distraction, exercise, popcorn, and other coping strategies.  I know how anxious I can get.  It is my job to sooth myself, reassure me, and take care of me.  Bless sweet husband for taking me to dinner tonight so I didn't have to think about anything when I came home.  Rest rest rest.  I can do the next 6 days, one day at a time, 5 minutes at a time, whatever it takes. 

Run away

I'm at crisis point.  I can admit that here.  At school, I'm the one that is supposed to help hold everything together with a part time sub because the awesome teacher was forced to resign rather than allow her to finish out the year.  She had a technical issue with her teaching certificate, zero tolerance didn't allow for the decision to wait until summer.  I am running away to Happy Acres.  Yup, the Facebook game.  My daughter-in-law is a developer for the game and I started doing it to cheer her on.  Now I go to play and solve problems that if I fail, no big deal.  I am going to need to curb my choice a bit but I am happy at happy acres.

End in sight

One of the techniques I use for coping with big stuff is to acknowledge that the end is in sight.  In one week and one day this big project will be over.  I am making plans for the following week.  I am allowing myself to look beyond the intensity of the project.  Too often, I get hyper-focused on a difficult task and loose sight of anything else.  Putting a time limit or my own deadline gives me the illusion I am control of something in my life.  I am working at actively choosing ways to allow myself to relax along the way.  I am also accepting and acknowledging out loud that big stuff is scary for me.  Unfortunately, this can come across as anger or brusqueness.  I'm not unfeeling, I'm over whelmed by feeling.  Heavy sigh.  Counting the days.  7, 6, 5, 4.......

No Growth....

In the comfort zone. 

I reminded the students I work with that one of the purposes of a large fashion show is to get them out of their comfort zone.  The will feel scared, nervous, jittery, and a host of other emotions as the prepare for their big show.  I keep reminding myself it is their show.  I am part of the help system but it is their show and their grade.  I am watching some of the students stretch and grow.  Others are collapsing inward.  All the focus is on the show.  Then today, one of the students explained that a fellow student would probably not be there for the show.  I was already to rain condemnation on the absent girl's head.  Then her friend continued that the other girl's dad died and would be gone to bury him.  The fashion show suddenly seems much smaller in significance.  I'm reminded that there are many things bigger and harder than anything I am facing right now.  However, someone's challenge does not diminish my challenge.  May give me a bit of a different perspective but my challenge is still my challenge.  I am way out of my comfort zone.  I am challenging our students to get out of their comfort zone.  Encouragement doesn't come easily to me.  I learned by criticism and harshness.  I am working at encouraging while opening the students to different possibilities.  Jumbled thoughts as I try to calm down to sleep.