Self-respect starts with me. It is an inside job. If I don't respect myself, it doesn't matter if anyone else respects me, I will still feel inadequate.
One of the most amazing things about KavinCoach was from the very beginning he respected me. He would compliment me at the end of each session. The first 4 years I totally doubted him. Slowly as I began to believe in myself, I started to believe him. In these early years of counseling, I complained that my boss was mistreating me. KavinCoach asked me why I let him. I was stunned. No sympathy. No 'I am sorry you are being hurt.' Nope, he put the responsibility squarely on my shoulders. How could I be blamed? I was the employee...he was my boss. Now, I know what he means. Took me years and learning to respect myself to understand that by my behavior my nasty boss felt it was acceptable to treat me any way he wanted. I didn't understand that standing up for myself started with believing I deserved to be treated with respect. I was blessed with several people in my life that simply respected other people. I was able to observe up close what it means to respect someone else. Every single person that showed respect for others respected themselves. It is like the more you have, the more you can give away.
I did do something for my kids. My friend was appalled that I would beat my little kids at board games. She told me that I was damaging their self esteem by beating them all the time. I told her to be patient and watch. Yup, eventually they beat me. For the next 10 minutes they danced around the house crowing that they beat Mom. They believed in themselves. When I told KavinCoach this story, he asked, "Then why don't you understand, having respect for yourself?" Wow. I suddenly realized the disconnect between what I knew my children needed and what I did for myself. Just like I would make sure that they went to sleep and got enough rest but then stayed up all night myself. I still remember KavinCoach getting me to finally understand how I needed to treat myself. He told me to take the situation that I was in and pretend it happened to one of my kids. Give them advice on what to do, then follow my own advice. I knew what to do I just didn't accept that I was worth doing these things for me. I was worth caring for. I was worth treating with respect. I was worthy of being treated with respect. It is truly amazing what a difference feeling like I am worth parenting with the same care that I parented my children. Speaking of which...I need to get to sleep now.
Good night....Remember being good to yourself, begins with yourself.