Who owns you

http://positiveoutlooksblog.com/2013/09/17/are-you-owned-by-someone/

As long as you are worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them.  Only when you require no approval from outside yourself can you own yourself. — Neale Donald Walsch

Yesterday I had a not too gentle reminder that PTSD is never far away.  I may manage it very well but there are life's little bumps that jar the lid off the box with the PTSD label.  I sometimes forget the very painful physical affects of PTSD.  For me, after high level of stress my body then crashes.  I am reminded painfully that skin is the largest organ of the body and it can hurt all at the same time.  I feel it is a cruel trick that the skin hurts so painfully that I cannot be comforted with a hug.  I can barely move and takes me awhile to get back on my feet again.  (Bottom of the feet take a lot of pressure and if my skin hurts every step is painful.)  I stayed home and rested.  By afternoon I was doing much better.  I was criticized for staying home.  At  first, I was hurt, then angry then I thought about whether or not I need someone else's approval in how I choose to care for myself.  I was fascinated how quickly I no longer felt even annoyed.  I don't need approval from anyone to make choices to take care of me.  I realized that part of how I was controlled in my childhood was my need to feel approval outside of myself.  This is a normal behavior for almost everyone.  However, if I take it to an extreme and put the other person's approval above my own needs, I am allowing them to own me.  Part of my effort in battling my past, integrating, and continuing counseling was to learn to be my own person, responsible for myself.  I have the power to choose what I do.  I do not need to give that power away by seeking someone's approval. 

I grow at my own speed.