The "Season"

It comes every year.  The irony is I love the holidays.  But along with the joy and fun comes a dark encompassing gloom.  A daily struggle to see the world in its bright beautiful colors.  Sorrow weeps at the edges of the days.  Every day I promise that this year I won't sink into depression and every day I fail a little.  Seasonal depression isn't just not enough sunshine.  It is the time when every group and organization wants to do something.  One year a group asked me what they should do for a December meeting.  I answered, "Tell everyone you love them and stay home."  That was not the answer they wanted to hear.  I look forward to the fun stuff but I feel tired and constantly battling the demons that suck the joy out of cool stuff.  My counselor noticed how year after year come October my struggles were a little steeper.  My sessions more intense.  My life more muddled.  I truly wish I could be different.  Maybe I will, someday.