Thursday, January 1, 2015
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Planning or Not?
After reviewing my year, I start making plans for next year. Recently popular memes are all about letting God set the path. I am struggling with this concept. If you are not interested in a personal religious debate, you may want to skip this post.
I did a search for images of purple minions....way fun.
https://www.google.com/search?q=purple+minion&biw=2146&bih=1229&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=56CjVOSmLIPgoASimYD4Aw&sqi=2&ved=0CB0QsAQ
Ok...This is a self debate in laying out why I believe God expects me to make a plan for my life. He might chuckle at my near sightedness and tendency to way underestimate my own ability to waste time but I believe God expects me to make plans. Here's why....
The monarch butterfly travels to a place it has never seen dictated by migrating plan that seems to be encoded in its DNA. http://www.learner.org/jnorth/monarch/ Every year without fail they make their migration.
Cows moo the same in Brazil, Australia, or the United States of America. It is imprinted on their DNA. Not learned. Not studied. Cows are cows.
However, a child is born to any country in the world and the baby can learn that language or several languages. If they are born deaf they can learn sign language. Humans tend to live within 10 miles of where they are born. They usually don't move unless they are persuaded in one way or another. Babies don't come with instructions printed on their butts. As a parent, I felt like raising a child was an elaborate guessing game as to what each child needed beyond basic food, shelter and clothing. I am very bad at guessing. I didn't have anything printed on my DNA that told me what to say, do, or where I traveled. DH and I lived in many different places but there were no internal instructions printed out for us. We made plans. We carried them out. We don't have any reason to say, "What if we had....?" We tried all sorts of places to live. We planned. We did. Yes, we prayed about it. Sometimes I felt like the answer back to us was, "Well, what do you want to do?"
I looked up how many references I could find of choose in the Bible. I found more than 30 scriptures with the word choose. This doesn't count the invitation from Christ to "Come Follow Me," which implies a choice. So if there is a choice, in my opinion, I need to make one. I also learned over the years that I need to be willing to change my plans, often. I also accept the someone else's plan may collide with mine totally disrupting my plans.....sometimes life happens, illness, accident, weather can all change my plans. I believe I have a responsibility to make plans, set goals, have a clue where I am going and preferably not in a hand basket. I also learned a few things on how to carry them out.
Recently, I received an email from one of the physical trainers I follow and this is what he shared with his email list....
This is a neat and tidy starting point. I learned that I need to break bigger goals into smaller goals....That whole eating the elephant is easier in bite size pieces. Computer thinking is breaking information and instructions into byte size pieces.
There is one more type of goal that I like to set that is in the area of becoming.....can't measure, can't see it, can't take a picture of it, I like to take on projects of becoming. This past year was "I choose the truth, no matter how hard." This year I want to choose an attribute that I want to work on. I remember reading somewhere to choose one attribute each month to work on improving. Becoming a better person is more than just meeting goals. Meeting goals should help me become the person I believe God desires me to be. Lofty hopes and I need to work out some mundane goals to get me going in the right direction.
I chuckle at the similarity of posts that my sister and I write without consulting with each other about our posts. Judy posted a list of questions to consider when setting goals:
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2014/12/30/holley-gerth-post/
I did a search for images of purple minions....way fun.
https://www.google.com/search?q=purple+minion&biw=2146&bih=1229&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=56CjVOSmLIPgoASimYD4Aw&sqi=2&ved=0CB0QsAQ
Ok...This is a self debate in laying out why I believe God expects me to make a plan for my life. He might chuckle at my near sightedness and tendency to way underestimate my own ability to waste time but I believe God expects me to make plans. Here's why....
The monarch butterfly travels to a place it has never seen dictated by migrating plan that seems to be encoded in its DNA. http://www.learner.org/jnorth/monarch/ Every year without fail they make their migration.
Cows moo the same in Brazil, Australia, or the United States of America. It is imprinted on their DNA. Not learned. Not studied. Cows are cows.
However, a child is born to any country in the world and the baby can learn that language or several languages. If they are born deaf they can learn sign language. Humans tend to live within 10 miles of where they are born. They usually don't move unless they are persuaded in one way or another. Babies don't come with instructions printed on their butts. As a parent, I felt like raising a child was an elaborate guessing game as to what each child needed beyond basic food, shelter and clothing. I am very bad at guessing. I didn't have anything printed on my DNA that told me what to say, do, or where I traveled. DH and I lived in many different places but there were no internal instructions printed out for us. We made plans. We carried them out. We don't have any reason to say, "What if we had....?" We tried all sorts of places to live. We planned. We did. Yes, we prayed about it. Sometimes I felt like the answer back to us was, "Well, what do you want to do?"
Joshua 24:15
15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.I looked up how many references I could find of choose in the Bible. I found more than 30 scriptures with the word choose. This doesn't count the invitation from Christ to "Come Follow Me," which implies a choice. So if there is a choice, in my opinion, I need to make one. I also learned over the years that I need to be willing to change my plans, often. I also accept the someone else's plan may collide with mine totally disrupting my plans.....sometimes life happens, illness, accident, weather can all change my plans. I believe I have a responsibility to make plans, set goals, have a clue where I am going and preferably not in a hand basket. I also learned a few things on how to carry them out.
Recently, I received an email from one of the physical trainers I follow and this is what he shared with his email list....
I have been setting written goals at the beginning of the year for the last 9 years in four areas of my life:
-- Personal
-- Business / Financial
-- Adventure / Toys
-- Contribution
And I have a written record of all of it.
It's AMAZING how the goals I have set each year have almost ALL come true!
A few I am still working on ... but I am WAY, way, way ahead of where I'd be if I didn't go through this process on an annual basis.
I will say that the past three or four years though, I've started accomplishing a lot more and have "accelerated my life" if you will in ALL areas ... and a big part of this is using the S.M.A.R.T. system for goal setting.
Here's how it works:
"S" stands for specific. A general goal would be "get in shape". A specific goal would say "pick a training plan to follow and do it 3x per week".
"M" stands for measurable. Ask questions like - how much? how many? how will I know when it's accomplished?
"A" stands for attainable. When you set out to accomplish something and put your mind to it, to begin to figure out ways to make it happen. I think we are capable of FAR more than we think we are!
"R" stands for realistic. To be realistic, a goal must represent an objective that you are both willing and able to work towards.
"T" stands for timely. A goal must be grounded with a time frame. Without this, there is no urgency ... and this makes it a lot tougher to accomplish what you've set out to do.
For each goal you set, make sure to go through this process ... you'll be AMAZED at the difference it makes.
Now you have a way to set SMARTer goals for the New Year.
Take some time or yourself over this week to figure out what you want to accomplish in 2015.
And let's have the best year ever!
- Forest Vance, MS, RKC II
ForestVance.com
This is a neat and tidy starting point. I learned that I need to break bigger goals into smaller goals....That whole eating the elephant is easier in bite size pieces. Computer thinking is breaking information and instructions into byte size pieces.
There is one more type of goal that I like to set that is in the area of becoming.....can't measure, can't see it, can't take a picture of it, I like to take on projects of becoming. This past year was "I choose the truth, no matter how hard." This year I want to choose an attribute that I want to work on. I remember reading somewhere to choose one attribute each month to work on improving. Becoming a better person is more than just meeting goals. Meeting goals should help me become the person I believe God desires me to be. Lofty hopes and I need to work out some mundane goals to get me going in the right direction.
I chuckle at the similarity of posts that my sister and I write without consulting with each other about our posts. Judy posted a list of questions to consider when setting goals:
http://theprojectbyjudy.wordpress.com/2014/12/30/holley-gerth-post/
 |
| Up to me to decide where I am going. |
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Different suggestions for change
I've worked on improving myself for years. I tried and failed many ways of learning to live. I recognized very early in my teens that there was something odd about me but I was always the way I was, I didn't know where to start. In counseling, I started a focused concentrated healing. I learned a lot in 10 years. I learned that many different approaches work. I get suspicions when someone says there is a one and only way. People are not one size fits all. I came across another blog post that suggests 12 steps. AA also has 12 steps. Here are the 2 lists....you may want go to the web pages for more insight on each step. I also added my own 12 steps.
2. Forgive, release and let go of past hurts and resentments
3. Embrace with grace all that you face
4. Visualize your achievements and create your destiny
5. Dreams won’t work unless you do
6. Take one step at a time
7. Develop a deep trust in life
8. Give yourself permission to “fail”
9. Be good to yourself
10. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
11. Discipline your mind to stay present in the NOW
12. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people
Luminita
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/12/begin-rebuilding-life-make-ridiculously-amazing.html
AA list
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions
This is what I learned from my experience.
1. Recognize something is lacking or out of step in my life.
2. Survey the damage.
3. Commit to doing something to change myself.
4. Get new information from counselor, books, scriptures, prayer, talking to other people.....I need new information to do something different. Sometimes it is old information from a new perspective.
5. Make a plan. (Personally I pray about the plan and ask Heavenly Father if I am headed in the right direction.)
6. Break the plan down into small pieces.
7. Take baby steps. (I learned I could do anything for 5 minutes. A lot of 5 minutes together can get me through a day.)
8. As time passes, review progress.
9. Make course corrections as needed.
10. Recognize and acknowledge my own progress.
11. Connect with people. I can learn something from everyone....either a good example of what to do or an example of what doesn't work. Life is too short to make all possible mistakes myself...learn from others.
12. Share what I learn.
I suggest making your own 12 steps to move from where you are now to where you would like to be.
How To Begin Rebuilding Your Life And Make It Ridiculously Amazing
1. Make a commitment to yourself2. Forgive, release and let go of past hurts and resentments
3. Embrace with grace all that you face
4. Visualize your achievements and create your destiny
5. Dreams won’t work unless you do
6. Take one step at a time
7. Develop a deep trust in life
8. Give yourself permission to “fail”
9. Be good to yourself
10. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
11. Discipline your mind to stay present in the NOW
12. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people
Luminita
http://themindunleashed.org/2014/12/begin-rebuilding-life-make-ridiculously-amazing.html
AA list
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/twelve-steps-and-twelve-traditions
This is what I learned from my experience.
1. Recognize something is lacking or out of step in my life.
2. Survey the damage.
3. Commit to doing something to change myself.
4. Get new information from counselor, books, scriptures, prayer, talking to other people.....I need new information to do something different. Sometimes it is old information from a new perspective.
5. Make a plan. (Personally I pray about the plan and ask Heavenly Father if I am headed in the right direction.)
6. Break the plan down into small pieces.
7. Take baby steps. (I learned I could do anything for 5 minutes. A lot of 5 minutes together can get me through a day.)
8. As time passes, review progress.
9. Make course corrections as needed.
10. Recognize and acknowledge my own progress.
11. Connect with people. I can learn something from everyone....either a good example of what to do or an example of what doesn't work. Life is too short to make all possible mistakes myself...learn from others.
12. Share what I learn.
I suggest making your own 12 steps to move from where you are now to where you would like to be.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Review the year
I am focusing on reviewing my year. One person reviewed their year by spiritual events in their lives. There are hundreds of list of top songs, top movies, top shows, top....you name it and someone has listed something that can be listed....what if I evaluated things that can't be put in a list and quantified?
How is my integrity doing?
Am I forgiving myself?
Am I more accepting of myself and others?
Do I choose Christ when I make my choices?
Am I more loving?
Do I listen better?
How is my compassion doing?
None of these can be quantified. But I believe these are the things that are essential in becoming the person I believe God thinks I am capable of being. My vision is so finite. I can count how many times I went to work. I am aware of how often I go to work late. I can tell you how much weight I lost and how much crept right back on to my hips. God doesn't look on the outward parts.
How is my emotional heart doing?
Am I letting go of long term grudges?
Am I addressing or avoiding my fears?
Do I hold life in reverence?
Do I lift those that have their hands hang down?
Matthew 25:31-40
Hebrew 12:12-13
How is my integrity doing?
Am I forgiving myself?
Am I more accepting of myself and others?
Do I choose Christ when I make my choices?
Am I more loving?
Do I listen better?
How is my compassion doing?
None of these can be quantified. But I believe these are the things that are essential in becoming the person I believe God thinks I am capable of being. My vision is so finite. I can count how many times I went to work. I am aware of how often I go to work late. I can tell you how much weight I lost and how much crept right back on to my hips. God doesn't look on the outward parts.
How is my emotional heart doing?
Am I letting go of long term grudges?
Am I addressing or avoiding my fears?
Do I hold life in reverence?
Do I lift those that have their hands hang down?
Matthew 25:31-40
31 ¶When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
Hebrew 12:12-13
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Pet peeve
http://feelhappiness.com/reframing-your-thoughts-make-yourself-happier/
I used this link yesterday because it had a great explanation of reframing techniques. However, their opening statement is one of my pet peeves.
This statement implies that most bad things don't happen. Yes it is true but my version goes more like this:
Do you see the subtle difference between the two?
“My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened.”
What a great quote by Mark Twain. It humorously summarizes something that is so true, so important, and so often ignored.
Our minds are constantly bombarded with negative thoughts, visions of horrible things that may happen to us, and terrifying reasons not to do the things we want to do.
And yet in the end, these horrible things rarely happen. The thoughts cause pain by twisting yourself into thinking that things are not “kol beseder” (everything is ok, or s’all good, in Hebrew).
The worst part is that these thoughts disturb us for so long and we never do anything about them!
Well, that’s about to change.
Luckily, we have a very powerful technique available to us called “reframing”. Reframing involves identifying our unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more positive or adaptive ones.
I used this link yesterday because it had a great explanation of reframing techniques. However, their opening statement is one of my pet peeves.
“My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened.”
This statement implies that most bad things don't happen. Yes it is true but my version goes more like this:
My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, that I pray never happen again.
Do you see the subtle difference between the two?
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Yearly Review
| by Positive Outlooks |
Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true FAILURE.
— George Edward Woodberry
For me, this time between Christmas and New Year is a time to review the year. One of the important things I learned to do in counseling is reframing* circumstances. I was trained to view anything that wasn't 100% perfect as failure. I learned from Flylady.org that ok is good enough. Some things, like sweeping the floor, do not need to be done to perfection. Playing horse shoes 'almost' still gets a score. I learned to relax my standards. I also learned that changing how I define failure. It is not a failure to burn a batch of brownies....just throw them away and enjoy the cookies I cooked or bake another batch and turn the temperature down. One mistake does not make a disaster. Keeping all this in mind I look at the past year's events. I had some great times, visiting children and grandchildren, feeding family and friends, learning to cook some delicious meals, and riding roller coasters with my son-in-law. I also had challenges. My Dad had a pacemaker put in, I interacted with my mother, expectations at my school were changed, and changing counselors are a few of the harder things that happened this year. I am learning to recognize the growth I experience from the tough challenges. I am better at not awfulizing events, looking at the silver linings and not so much at the cloud. Or not making mountains out of molehills. DH getting home late from work does not mean he was in a car wreck. I believe trying new things sums up a lot of what happened this year.
— George Edward Woodberry
For me, this time between Christmas and New Year is a time to review the year. One of the important things I learned to do in counseling is reframing* circumstances. I was trained to view anything that wasn't 100% perfect as failure. I learned from Flylady.org that ok is good enough. Some things, like sweeping the floor, do not need to be done to perfection. Playing horse shoes 'almost' still gets a score. I learned to relax my standards. I also learned that changing how I define failure. It is not a failure to burn a batch of brownies....just throw them away and enjoy the cookies I cooked or bake another batch and turn the temperature down. One mistake does not make a disaster. Keeping all this in mind I look at the past year's events. I had some great times, visiting children and grandchildren, feeding family and friends, learning to cook some delicious meals, and riding roller coasters with my son-in-law. I also had challenges. My Dad had a pacemaker put in, I interacted with my mother, expectations at my school were changed, and changing counselors are a few of the harder things that happened this year. I am learning to recognize the growth I experience from the tough challenges. I am better at not awfulizing events, looking at the silver linings and not so much at the cloud. Or not making mountains out of molehills. DH getting home late from work does not mean he was in a car wreck. I believe trying new things sums up a lot of what happened this year.
*http://feelhappiness.com/reframing-your-thoughts-make-yourself-happier/
This web page has specific ideas on how to use reframing techniques for taking negative thoughts and replacing them more positive or healthier thoughts.
Anyways, here are some valuable tactics to help you replace your negative thoughts with positive ones.
These techniques are like rules of thumb that you should have available for when negative thoughts rear their ugly head. They will help you come up with “band-aid” reframes in a pinch.
- Use milder wording. This one is really easy, and you should start doing it immediately. Words do matter, and if your thought is worded with a more mild negative, you won’t feel as bad. For example, if you were to think “I really hate that guy”, you would feel worse than if you thought “I’m not a fan of that guy”. So go with the second one.
- Ask yourself: “What is the best way for me to accomplish this?” When you are facing a challenge or fear, you can ask yourself this question to help you focus on the solution rather than the problem. The phrase “best way” implies that there are multiple ways around the problem and focuses on the positive.
- Ask yourself: “What can I learn from this?” Now, instead of having a problem, you have a way to improve yourself. Every challenge is also an opportunity to learn, so take advantage of it.
- Challenge your assumptions. Try to figure out what the frame behind your thought is. Chances are you have a limiting belief that is encouraging you to think negatively about your situation. This limiting belief is based on assumptions you have made that probably are not true. Find reasons why they aren’t true, and you chip away at the beliefs causing the negative thoughts. This is the most powerful long term reframing technique, and it is far more effective if you’ve been keeping a thought journal.
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