Sorrow, sadness, grumpiness were simply not allowed. I could be happy but not too happy because that was not acceptable either. A droid child, a doll, to be played with and set aside, ignored for more pressing pursuits. Emotions, the entire gambit were locked away for survival purposes.
To promote positive self-concept:
2. Treating children with love and respect. Children's emotions should be accepted and valued. ~ Miss C.
I wasn't much better as a parent. Each of my children could tell you stories of me not acknowledging or validating how they felt. I am working at changing that. An incident that lasted all of 3 seconds really upset me last week. Before counseling, I would have stuffed the hurt feeling in the dark hole that I put all other emotions. Many hours of counseling were exposing me to my own emotions. Instead, this time I acknowledged that I felt hurt. I talked to the person that landed on my trigger that sent me to a really bad place. I talked about how the incident affected me and my relationship with the other person. Most importantly I validated myself that I indeed felt what I felt for a real reason. Too often if an incident is 'small' emotion is not acceptable. Other times, I have emotions that are totally out of proportion of the event. Usually with a bit of work, I can uncover the trigger I landed on. So in this step I choose to accept the emotions I feel through out the day. I felt real fear early today when the car in front of me backed up at a red light as if I wasn't there. I laid on my horn and the person stopped inches from my bumper. I don't know what he was thinking but I was not impressed. I allowed myself to feel the fear and the anger that the person did anything so stupid. Hello...Nobody backs up at a stop light it is just an all around bad idea. The rest of the drive home I processed how I felt about the second in time when I realized the driver almost backed into me. On my list of things I am thankful for this month I added I am thankful for car horns. I felt a little like the Who on Horton's flower screaming, "WE'RE HERE, WE'RE HERE, WE'RE HERE!!!" In counseling that is exactly what my emotions did. I found out that I didn't lack emotions, I disconnected from them. Reconnecting to emotions is a painful and slow process. It is easier to raise a child with respect and valuing their emotions than it is to repair the damage. I think I will rewrite this challenge to what I need:
Treat myself and others with love and respect.
My emotions need to be accepted and valued by me.
1 comment:
Ruth, this is funny timing! I drafted a post yesterday (just about to edit and post it now) about how I had the emotion of "resentment" bred right out of me.
I will not allow myself to feel "negative" emotions. 'Negative' emotions are ones my parents did NOT value in me (or worse!). ;-)
My psychologist points out that all emotions, even those I have labelled 'negative' have a positive purpose. They all serve us in their own way, and they all have vital roles to play.
I wonder what other 'negative' emotions I have stuffed away? Time will tell, I guess! ;-)
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