Big Bully

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Isaac Asimov

Most commonly people think of bullies that push around someone smaller or weaker than themselves. Physical violence, recordable, describable but just the tip of the iceberg. My daughter witnessed physical bullying at school where a student teased another at every opportunity. The bully watched him and knew which doors he existed the school. The bully crouched down where he couldn't be seen and held the door shut. In a hurry, the boy pushed on the glass in the top half of the door. Ended up being cut so badly that he was hospitalized. My daughter told the school counselor what happened. I was very proud of my daughter for turning in the bully. Hundreds and thousands of stories could be added to this one.Violence is escalating which led to this workshop on How to stop Violence in the class room.  Hardest of all is when no one will step up and report the bullies.  The overt bullying is what catches the schools attention.

Physical bullying was the main focus of the class.  This is the main push to stop the bullies.  However, for many there is another kind of physical bullying that goes on undercover, hidden, the target/victim doubts them-self that it is actually happening.  In the work place or at home the bully stands very close to where you are working.  Or you need to pass and they block the way so that you have to squeeze by.  They 'bump' into you when they pass.  Close by they seem to 'accidentally' hit you often.  For me, I was walking down the basement stairs and my brothers would hide then jump out and scare me so that I tumbled the rest of the way down the stairs.  I showed my mother my bruises and she told me to be more careful, not be so clumsy.  She didn't believe me.  The bully teacher grabbing a students arm harder than necessary to escort them to the office.  Sneaking up then purposely startling you just to see your reaction.  Lying in wait to ambush then denying that it was on purpose.  A quick hug that lasts longer than you feel comfortable.  I was taught to ignore my ick-o-meter that internal indicator that indicates a person is invading your physical space.  The moment in time when you want to say, "Ick, get a way from me."  I struggled with accepting all the different little offenses that any one I would sound unreasonable complaining about it.  But it isn't just one, more like a swarm of mosquitoes attacking from every side until you feel like a swollen itching mess of misery.  Recognizing it.  Recording it.  Accepting your own version of the situation.  My counselor helped me to turn my ick-o-meter back on.  Now, if I am around someone that my internal reaction is 'ick get away from me' I am learning to listen.  Too often we wait for the punch or the black eye or the beating before anything is done.  Another delaying is they only did it once.  In my opinion, if actual violence has erupted there were a lot of other skirmishes that happened first.  Paying attention to those early warning signs can make a powerful difference in making choices to protect yourself.  Please, don't kid yourself and say they didn't mean it and it won't happen again ever.  Research shows that physical bullying escalates.  Learning to recognize problems early was part of my training in counseling sessions.  I had the radar, I was just taught to ignore the signal I sent to myself.  I am thankful that my counselor taught me to be alert for myself and teaching me to choose caring for myself.  

I learned to set up my own 'homeland security system' to protect myself.