Self confidence a symptom of Self love

"One important key to success is
self-confidence. An important key to
self-confidence is preparation."
- Arthur Ashe
Click Here For Success Tip # 018


Self confidence is one of those things that parents can foster in their children. Unfortunately, many times efforts fail. If I had a dollar for every time I was told that I needed to get more confidence I could have bought some at the store. Maybe next to the dairy section a couple of pints of confidence to go. Tough thing for a child raised in abuse is the confidence bucket has a leak in it. It just drains away at the smallest bump. I didn't get it as a child. I also failed many times with my children. Now, I am learning differently. Pam Young capitalizes on the concept that we all have an inner child that needs nurturing. As the inner child grows in inner confidence so does the adult. I can not change my past but I can work towards improving my self confidence now. I work at an early childhood education class. One of the old handouts I almost threw away was a list of 19 ways Families can Promote Positive Self-Concept in children.  It is a handout that I think was written by the teacher since she normally sites her sources.  I will call her Miss C for now.  Over the past year I learned to admire her passion for training young women to care for children.

1. Providing successful experiences for the child.  This includes not expecting children to do tasks that are beyond their capabilities.  

This one was a biggy for me.  As a child, I was expected to meet my mother's demanding adult expectations of cleaning to her standard.  Then she would say do it your way with a little shrug that I knew it had to be sparkling or I would be doing it again.  I tried to do better for my own children and tended to swing in the opposite direction.  I remember thinking that my little daughter could not get up on her big brother's rocking horse.  I watched her put her foot up over her head to scramble her way into the saddle and rock furiously like she had a race to win.  I underestimated her.  So finding that balance can be tough.

My challenge as an adult is to not expect myself to do something at Master level when I am just beginning or trying it for the first time.  How many times do I chastise myself for not doing things exactly right first time?  My daughter teaches me Zumba.  She reminds each of us to honor our bodies and not do more than we are capable.  Two years ago, I could barely reach below my knees when stretching for my toes.  Tonight, I could touch my toes.  I enjoyed Zumba all along because my daughter did not expect me to touch my toes the first time.  On the other hand, I don't want to underestimate myself, either.  Only staying in my comfort zone keeps me from growing.

How many times a day do I set myself up to succeed?  Do I go to bed early enough so that I can wake up and be on time to work?  Do I over schedule myself with so many activities that I only skim the surface and feel so frazzled that even if I accomplish the task I feel like a failure?  What would my day look like if I set myself up to succeed?  Do I block in down time and think time?  Do I plan to spend time with the people most important to me that goes a long way to feeling successful?  Step number one will be a challenge to break a long time habit of setting myself up to fail.  One of the biggies that once I accomplish a goal I don't always acknowledge my success.  So even if I do it right, I don't give myself credit.  Yep, step one and I can already see a number things I could work on to set myself up for successful experiences as an adult.

What do you do that helps you to succeed and feel that feeling of success?

Celebrating graduation