Self-esteem doesn't bleed

Sticks and stones can break my bones
But names can totally destroy me.  

It starts young, a parent calling their child a brat, rug rat, bad girl.... and the list goes on and on and on.  Sometimes a name is meant affectionately but in the end name calling by parents spreads like a disease to school and teams.  Trash talking.  Put downs.  Sarcasm a steady flow spew out of the TV and considered 'Cool', 'Rad', the 'in' thing to do.  I excelled in sarcasm.  It was a tough habit to break.  I was called all sorts of names.  The advice to tell a parent seems fairly useless when it was my parent calling me the names.  Lights are on but nobody is home.  Ding-a-ling. Air head. Dumb blonde.  Giiiirrrrlll.  It wasn't meant as a compliment.  I worked for a school and the student would call me Bitch.  My self-esteem didn't bleed but it diminished until it was almost non-existent.  I lived and breathed emotional abuse.  My bullies lived at my house.  I didn't need to go to school to be called names.  I was called names at school too.  I was socially awkward.  I didn't fit in with the cliques.  My strangeness was duly noted in my 6th grade annual, "To the Nut..."  I just didn't know how accurate they were.   Chickens in a yard sense the weakest one and will peck it to death over time.  They don't kill them all at once but a constant peck - peck - peck.  Kids aren't much different than chickens.  The height of cruelty reaches its peak by about middle school, around 11 - 13 years old but for some it doesn't diminish in high school.  Teachers can get involved in the name calling and put downs.  Tell an adult - are you kidding me?  Then tragedy hits, suicide, murder, a killing spree.....Oh my what happened that this terrible thing occurred?  Self-esteem doesn't bleed but people still die.

I found the hand out that I shared Saturday it is located at:
 www.pbisaz.org/files/Bullying_handout.pdf


Emotional Bullying
Harm to someone’s self-esteem or feeling of safety

                      Verbal                                              Non-verbal

LEVEL ONE
• Insulting remarks                                          • Giving dirty looks
• Calling names                                               • Holding nose or 
•  Teasing about possessions, clothes,              other insulting gestures
   physical appearance 

LEVEL TWO (some of these behaviors are against the law)
•  Insulting family                                          •  Defacing school work or other
•  Harassing with phone calls                           personal property, such as
•  Insulting your size, intelligence,                   clothing, locker, or books
     athletic ability, race, color, religion,        •  Saying someone is related to
    ethnicity, gender, disability,                          a person considered an 
    or sexual orientation                                    enemy of this country

LEVEL THREE (most of these behaviors are against the law)
• Harassing a child because of                         • Destroying personal 
bias against their race, color,                              property, such as clothing, 
religion, ethnicity, gender,                                   books, jewelry
disability, or sexual orientation                        • Writing graffiti

Adapted from Bitney, J. (Ed.). (1996). Johnson Institute No-Bullying Program: Preventing Bully Victim Violence at School. Minneapolis, MN: Johnson Institute.  

Words used as lethal weapons to destroy self-esteem.  Telling can result in greater ridicule for 'not being able to take a joke' or 'they were just teasing' or 'too thin skinned and need to be toughened up' leading to an escalation of even more name calling.  My counselor was surprised when I called this intense emotional attack as "murder by suicide."  I know of 5 suicides resulting from bully attacks orchestrated by an adult.  I still have nightmares.  Bullies are at school, at work and in the home.  There are web pages devoted to this daily challenge.  Statistics show that half of the high school students have either bullied someone or been bullied by someone.  I am on a quest to find answers which is why with a hectic schedule I took this class.  I am looking for answers.