Dissecting Bully Behavior

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.  - Harry S Truman

Bullies in the playground, a big kid picking on a little kid is just the tip of the iceberg of bully behavior.  Bully behavior breaks out into 4 main categories:

• Physical
• Verbal
• Social/Relational
• Cyber

I plan to devote an entire post to each kind. 

Today I am focusing on the two styles that I observed but weren't discussed in this class,
overt and covert.  The class talked mostly about overt bullying the kind of behavior that disrupts the class room and brings law suits.  Observable, identifiable, and recognized by anyone watching, the openly hostile situation counts as overt bullying.  In my opinion, these situations, though difficult, give parties involved a place to start a discussion, the observable behavior.  Covert bullying is under the radar, off the grid, behind closed doors, without an audience, some of the other names would be gas lighting, sneak attack, and any form of behind the scenes repetitive abuse.  Covert is difficult because it becomes the word of one against the other.  In overt bullying, the bully is gaining attention and power, the bystanders are drawn into the battle whether they do anything or not.  The bully has the upper hand in an open battle because for a bystander to side with the bully, they don't need to do anything.  So why would a bully go underground, hiding their behavior?  Most obvious of reasons is to not be caught.  Keep in mind that the purpose of bullying is two fold, get attention and/or gain power over another person.   Bringing down another person can sometimes be done more completely through covert bullying.

I grew up in a desert region.  The river running through the city usually wasn't.  It is a huge dry bed with not an ounce of water except every few years or the annual 100 year flood whichever comes first.  Since the river bed is usually dry, engineers building the bridges don't always take the power of the river into consideration.  No water, no power.  Build the bridge and every thing is great with no water running.  I was a teenager the first time they built a freeway bridge over the empty river bed.  The first flood the bridge took a direct hit from a wall of water crashing into the bridge that gouged out a lane of traffic.  They did not account for how wide the water would flow so a part of the bridge went with it.  However, the section of bridge that was more severely damaged wasn't hit by the front wall of water.  The water went under the bridge, around the columns and dug out the supporting ground behind the bridge.  This section of bridge completely collapsed with no part standing.  The two parts of the bridge clarified to me that the greater damage was not seen or anticipated.

I readily recognized the overt bullying I experienced.  It was much harder (please, read many, many counseling sessions) to grasp how I was bullied covertly.  If I don't recognize it myself, how could I put up a defense.  The most painful part of counseling was understanding what happened to me as a child.  When I started counseling, I was raised in a close knit loving family with a wonderful childhood.  After several years of counseling, this false image totally collapsed much like the bridge into the river.  I am learning to recognize the covert bullying for what it is, an attack on me.  I also learned how I would sometimes bully people into doing what I wanted.  I looked at behaviors I needed to change.  When I write about each of the four areas, I will also touch on the overt and covert ways that bullies can terrorize their targets.  To help build a defense against any problem, first need a clear picture of what I need to defend against.    
 



PS I almost wrote the title 'Dissecting Bullies' then decided the mental image is not quite what I meant.