Least/Most Effective Response

The goal of every bully is to gain a response.  Almost everyone encounters a bully at some point in their lives so a planned response is nice to have on hand.  From the Bullying Prevention Toolkit http://www.safeschools.info/bp_toolkit.pdf comes the following list of least effective responses.

Hit or fought back

Made a plan to get back at them

Told the person to stop

Did nothing (ignored it)

Told them how I felt

When I first read through this list I was a bit surprised and wondered why I knew this list from another place.  Then I realized that these are also the least effective responses to a narcissistic.   I know that I tried all of these at one time or another and they're right they don't work.  How many blog posts have I read about someone writing a heart felt letter to their parents to have it blow up in their face?  How many times did I try to ignore or do nothing about caustic comments from my NM?  Told the person to stop just had them laughing at me all the more... Plotted my revenge - useless waste of energy.  The one time I hit back I was hit again so hard I went down and it did nothing to resolve the issue.  The more I write about bullies and the more I learn about narcissistics the more I realize how similar their behaviors.  Remember that these suggestions come from dealing with bullies at school.  The list of most effective responses reads quite differently.

Told an adult at home

Told a friend

Made a joke about it

Told an adult at school

Remind self that it was not my fault

Again this list looks very similar between responding to bullies or narcissistics.  It is important with a bully or a narcissistic to give myself reassurance that their behavior is not my fault.  There are healthy adults at school, in the work place, many friends or most counselors that you can find a safe adult to talk over how to deal with the bully/narcissistic.  Make a joke about what they are saying or doing.  (This will have a post of its own.)  Friends have your back, great friends are right in the middle of the situation.  I am thankful for friends that I had that stood up for me, especially my sister and kids.  (Yep both my sister and kids have stood up for me when I wasn't standing up for myself.)  Told an adult at home, this was the least helpful for me.  I tried to be different than how I was raised so that my children could feel confident in talking to me about being bullied.  I don't think I always succeeded but I do know there were several incidents that were brought to my attention.  I wish I had known more at the time.