• Accept or agree and move on. A victim should accept some forms of teasing, particularly when the teasing is about a true personal characteristic (e.g., being overweight, having freckles, wearing glasses, being afraid).
– Persistent Bully: Are you afraid to fight?
– Target: Yes, I am. Do you have any other questions?
• Reframe to a positive. Most personal characteristics have a bright side, and target can point this out. – Persistent Bully: Hi Shorty! – Target: Well, as my mamma used to say, good things come in small packages.
Some of these work sometimes and in varying situations. I like the wide variety of suggestions since different things will work at different times and with different people. Sometimes a change of strategy is needed for desired results.
• Ask for the behavior to stop; be assertive. Assertively ask for a change in behavrio
• Talk about the behavior. Rather than reacting to what the bully said or did, the [target]
can talk about the behavior.
• Say something positive about the bully, then talk about the behavior. Every person, even a bully, has some qualities the victim can capitalize on (e.g., a quick wit, athleticism, or good looks). Mentioning those qualities at the start of a conversation can change its whole tone. Then, the victim can talk to the bully about his or her behaviors and may try acting puzzled or feigning confusion about the behaviors.
– Target: I don’t understand. Yesterday, you were really friendly in class. Today, you are acting like a mean bully. I like you a lot better when you are friendly.
– Target: This is strange. You are smart; otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten a B in class. I don’t get it. Why would a smart person waste her time trying to hurt others?
This next one is more complex but very effective, especially with a moderator or counselor included:
• Talk it out. Talking about the problem is a more complex skill, but a very important one when students want to maintain a friendship. The STOPP (Stop, Think, Options, Plan, Plan working?) model used in chapter 5.(Note: I don't have chapter 5 so I am going to dig around on the internet for more information.)
This works if your friends are healthy and want a better outcome. Unfortunately, 'ganging up' takes bullying to dizzying heights.
• Stay with your friends. Staying in a group does not solve the problem but generally reduces the possibility of bullying. Bullies like easy prey, and it is much more difficult to prey on a group than on a lone individual. However, if a student feels so scared at school that she or she always needs to be with friends to avoid victimization, he or she should ask for help.
These last 2 are for everyone. Document what is happening and enlist others to help resolve the issues.
• Keep a journal.
• Ask for help
1 comment:
Ooh, nice photo.
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