The NFY post triggered my memory of how far I have come. Over 20 years ago, I remember lying in bed wondering why I bothered to keep breathing. I felt totally useless. I couldn't take care of my family. I couldn't take care of myself. I didn't DO anything. I live in a culture that values and defines who you are by what you DO. I defined myself as a slug. I look back and realize how far I have come. I am thankful to my family not giving up on me the way I gave up on myself. Paradoxically during this time is when I made a startling discovery. I felt I had no value or worth, but a seed of belief started to grow that I was had value and worth to God. Somehow my value and worth to God had nothing to do with what I could DO. I existed so I had worth. Years later, KavinCoach helped me wrap my mind around this concept. He wanted me to think about those that I love and asked me what their worth and value was to me. One of the things I thought about was my little cat. This cat is totally worthless by any standard. She is terrified of the world. One ear was permanently twisted before I got her. She cowers to the side while the birds eat her food. Her purr is defective. I was told on more than one occasion that she was worthless. But not to me. She is my kitty. I am happy to see her. I worry if she doesn't come at dinner time. I love all her little quirks. I am delighted by her increasing courage. Kids can now pet her without her running for the rooftop. KavinCoach pointed out, if this kitty could have worth to me than I could have worth to God. I know somewhere along the way I built the conviction that Jesus Christ would have done what He did even if the only person on the planet was me. That bit of faith pricked the darkness and a bit hope appeared. Pinpricks of light can pierce the darkest places.
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