Note to helpful people

Message to myself that I am sharing with my readers. 

http://www.elizabethhalford.com/productivity/helpful-people-are-you-manifesting-these-4-unhelpful-things/

This was an awesome article and a reminder to myself that in my desire to be helpful I don't make matters worse. 

1. Creating problems

Ever been around a person that creates drama and problems just so they can be the hero and fix them?  I've experienced with and work hard at not doing this.  Sometimes I fail.  Life is like that.   If there is a bunch of unnecessary drama I do a self check to make sure I'm not the one creating the drama in the first place. 

2. Trouble

I had to read her explanation a couple of times to grasp this one.  If I am getting myself into trouble, am I doing it as a cheap and easy attention getter?  Really?  Who does this?  Children....this is a child's response instead of an adult response.  If I am creating drama and getting into trouble do I actually have unmet needs that I need to self nurture instead of acting out.

I need to separate this from the times that my brain hits glitches from emotional or stress overload.  I also learned that if I am constantly in trouble maybe I need to check on the company I am keeping.  One teacher left, suddenly I wasn't in trouble all the time.  Later found out she was blaming me for her short comings.  Sometimes when I am dogged by drama and trouble I need to check out who I am hanging with and are the healthy or at least working on it?

3. Excessive question asking

This one I have to watch myself.  This is how I manipulate people.  I ask them questions and by their answers I am building a case against them.  I usually already know the answer.  I realize this is another way of saying, "SEE, SEE I am being helpful because I am asking you what you need then I'll do it and be your hero."  Another attention getting scheme.  Work at being straight forward about asking what I actually need and DO MY HOMEWORK.

4. Saying yes to too many things

 I am a people pleaser and often (like all the time) fall into the trap of saying yes too often.


The next part I am quoting because I am still wrapping my mind around this concept.

When we were teaching our nonverbal daughter, Grace, how to use her eyes to communicate, we were using “yes” and “no” icons. The speech therapist caught a big mistake we were making. The yes icon was a green smiley face. The no one was a red sad face. Something she said changed my life “no isn’t always negative. Sometimes no is the perfect affirmative response!” I encourage us those of us who want to be helpful to feel cool with the fact that sometimes, saying no to a thing is the most helpful thing we can do. And guess what? You can say no in a way that feels a lot like yes.

 There you have it....my list of things to check in on myself to make sure I am self-nurturing, not depending on others to build my self-esteem, asking appropriate questions, doing my homework, and embracing the beauty of NO.