My talent

I can make a chore out of fun.  Yup.  I try to have fun and it ends up becoming a competition with myself or another thing I "have" to do or I have to do X amount of work before having fun then I am too tired to do the fun thing.  I did a mystery crocheting project for fun.  Now I am at the last to weeks instructions and it is big and the instructions are confusing.  It is not fun.  I fall asleep working on it.  I dread trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing and how I am going to make it look like the picture.  Crumbs I feel like I am the only person that can mess up having fun.

Then my sister writes about her struggle with having fun.  My friend talks about her struggle with taking time to relax and have fun. I read the post on the 2 Facebook groups for PTSD and guess what my talent is not special.  Many survivors struggle with fun, relaxing, vacations, free time, and all sorts of things that are supposed to help reduce stress actually add to the stress.  How mixed up is that?

So now I added the drawing to my relax/fun struggle.  I am fascinated with what I am learning.  Yes I did day 2 four times because it wasn't looking right.  Stop - just Stop.  This is supposed to be fun and I don't need to produce a museum worthy piece.....it can even look like a Picasso for that matter.  It is supposed to help me regroup and realign my thinking in a more positive way.

Heavy sigh.....how does one cope with failing to have fun?