Not adulting

I am not adulting.  I am not doing the lists of things I should be doing.  I am playing games.  I am ignoring the should-dos in my life.  Simplest things are left undone.  I am doing great on my computer games, just adult stuff is not happening.  I hurt my back/leg/or something on the right side of my body.  I did nothing to help it get better.  I need to setup doctor appointments...not doing that either.  This is self care I should be doing....ate most of the batch of cookies in less than 24 hours.  Heavy sigh.  So what did I do?  I actually finished several projects.  Some I finished ahead of time so have time to add to the project.  I am contacting people and talking to people and included in a parent/teacher conference.  I am Peopling and that is tough.  It was fun to reassure a parent with the student sitting right their that frustration is normal for programming and we (the teacher and I) recognize the work he accomplished.  I thought after integration and counseling and all the work I've done that all this stuff would get easier.  It didn't.  I had a mini melt down and had to stay home from school just because I don't have a mailing address for Heaven so I could send Halloween cards to all my Grandkids.  It seemed so ridiculous on the surface but the reality is years later I am still grieving my little granddaughter that I only held for a moment. Grief, sadness, tears are all part of healing.  Before I started healing, I didn't feel these things.  I shut them away with joy, happiness and every other emotion.  I am not ready to adult tomorrow either but I need to go to work.  Sometimes getting up and going through the motions of living is all I can pull off.  Guess what?  That is just fine.  Feeling feelings is important work even if it requires me not being an adult for a bit. 

Finished this for my grandson....it represents the Earth with the innercore with rocks and lava and waves of water with plants on the surface, Mikey on TheCrochetCrowd.com was my teacher...