Grey Rock method

Grey (or Gray) rock method of dealing with narcissistic people. 

I heard about this on Facebook on a post for one of the CPTSD groups I joined.  I wanted to know exactly what they meant.  In my mind, I thought it was similar to dissociation...after watching this video I now know that it is not.  Dissociation is a splitting off of emotions.  Where as grey rock is a deliberate choice in how to treat another human being for my optimum goal of them deciding to leave me alone.  I like that grey rock is my choice, my decision of how I am going to behave in a toxic situation.  A narcissistic personality is looking for the buzz of drama and excitement of confrontation.  Take that away, they will go looking somewhere else to meet their needs.  What I thought was interesting that he pointed out that the change needs to be gradual, otherwise the interpret the sudden change as drama.  Slowly withdrawing and giving them less and less of what they need, my emotional reaction. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqhA75fga8c

High Stress

These past two months I reached a new level of high stress.  DH (Darling Husband) injured his back in the first week of December.  Now he is having treatments, then we wait if they work.  Tomorrow is round two.  We are praying that this works the rest of what needs done.  He improved a lot, and I mean a lot, with the first treatment but it is not enough for him to be back to work.  I am thankful for short term disability.  We are praying that it will stay short term. 

Things that are helping me cope.  Prayer.  Give the battle to God.  Keep busy.  Create art.  Do most of the things we normally do.  I'm not used to having all this time without time for me to be alone and work on my own projects.  Most of my art, sewing, and other projects are things I do alone because I am mostly alone when he goes to work.  I learned to enjoy my own company.  I am struggling with boundaries being busted by a new need to watch to make sure he doesn't do too much.  Not an easy task.  He is used to work hard and long. 

One of the challenges of counseling is to take what I learn and actually use it in my life.  I am noticing that I do this sometime.  This week I opened up and actually talked about some of the stress I am feeling.  It didn't change anything but I felt less internal pressure.  I guess the reason venting is called venting is because stress steam is released.  And it works.

Prayers, positive vibes appreciated as we go for the next round.  Reminding myself we don't always get what we wish for but we can readjust and cope with what is next.  What ever next is. 

Jumping in with both feet

I decided to try new things and bought myself a painting kit to learn to paint with Bob Ross.  He makes happy trees and pretty birds from blobs that land on the canvas.  I set my goal to take more pictures....so far not so good.  I am meeting other challenges.  DH (Darling Husband) hurt his back back at the first of December.  Our focus was getting the care he needed to heal.  Out of work is tough on him.  I am sewing and helping others.  That feels good.  I am working on writing more, reading more blogs and sharing on Facebook things that are beautiful or thought provoking.  Today I talked to students about what they need to be to become computer techs some of the tips I offered:

Ask questions
Learn how to work with angry people
Strengthen your integrity
Learn from others
Be compassionate when helping others
Be prepared to be blamed....it may not be your fault but you will be blamed.
Shift that blame to the computer...it really is the computer's fault and you won't hurt the computers feelings by blaming the computer.

I talked for about 45 minutes.  I was open, honest, and down to Earth about the challenges of working in the computer industry.  Now that I think about it, I worked hard for 14 years trying to bring order out of the chaos generated by computers that misbehave.  I am not backing down from the challenge to grow in 2019.

Inching along

Happy New Year

I am delighted to have 2018 officially done.  I am not going to lie....it was one tough year.  Began and ended with a death in the family and my reaction was so completely different.  Lots and lots of tough stuff.  There was good stuff too.  It is like the teacher that wrote on the board....

The big hard stuff dominated my thoughts and feelings.  Several life changing experiences hit me this year.  I am viewing everything differently due to those experiences.  That's what makes them life changing experiences.  So far several people wished me and everyone else on Facebook a peaceful, stress free year.  This is my theory.  If my life is peaceful and stress free....I'm not trying enough new things.  I'm not putting myself out their to experiment and grow.  I am hoping for each of you and myself a year of growth and over coming challenges and finding better ways to live and spread joy to others.  Kindness is free, distribute liberally.  A smile takes fewer muscles than a frown...use that often too.  This year I challenged myself to take more photographs, learn to paint and work on being more open with other people besides online.  I like online because it has the natural barrier of no real contact except comments.  Talking to people and I can see their reactions is a whole lot scarier for me.  I hope this year is one of strength and growth and becoming my best self.  I hope the same for you too.