Avoidance pattern

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

Elbert Hubbard

Criticism was a part of my growing up years and continued into my adult life.  I heard criticism so often that I say it to myself too.  I desperately tried to be the 'good girl.'  The first split was trying to solve the dilemma no one should have to face.  How do I stay looking good while bad things happen?  Splitting became away of life for me trying to cope with extreme contradictions, lies, and abuse.  I worked at not being criticized until I almost completely stopped living.  I was breathing but I wasn't alive.  I almost completely vanished as a human being.  Counseling taught me to reclaim my life.  Bit by bit I retook my life and set my own boundaries.  The criticism flew.  I learned that most of the time criticism is not about me at all.  It is about the other person's view of the world and themselves.  I learned that many criticisms are projections from the other person.  Much like the Salem witch trials where the others would accuse someone else as a witch so they wouldn't be accused.  I learned that starting a criticism with the statement, "I probably shouldn't say this but....."  I am learning to stop listening at the word but.  Now I am learning that if someone is criticizing me, I must be doing something right.  :)