Morphing again

I am on my 8th year of blogging on this space.  8 years since I graduated from college. 8 years since I changed counselors.  8 years since I started working at the high school.  So much has happened in these 8 years.  I was noticing many of my post were centered on PTSD which was the main issue and the way I coped was using multiple personalities.  I survived but thriving wasn't happening because I became my own worse enemy.  Facing my past, remembering and healing was a long slow painful process.  I integrated over 10 years ago.  With all the different stresses in the past years, I stayed integrated.  I still struggle with the symptoms of PTSD, low self-esteem, insomnia, intense levels of shame, flickers (tiny flashbacks that last only for seconds, no less annoying but not devastating), poor self-care habits, and the list can go on and on because PTSD touches almost every aspect of my life.  Some days it really kicks my butt all around the room and leaves me a crumpled lump on the couch shivering and exhausted.  So I kicked that stuff over to my other page. 
https://ptsd-acceptingcopingthriving.com/blog/

Now I am feeling like I am neglecting this page.  I gave this a lot of thought.  I thought about dropping this one like I did my picture blog.  I thought about mirroring my other blog but that seems a bit redundant.  This week I tried something new called pour painting. I am experimenting with paints.  A couple of years ago I reignited crocheting as a thing to do while I watch TV or need to keep my hands busy.  I am exploring other areas in my life that have nothing to do with PTSD.  I am Thriving.  I am interested and excited about stuff I would like to share.  I also struggle with attitudes of myself and other people on all sorts of ideas. I am thinking of sharing these new activities and ideas here.  Sometimes they will overlap with my PTSD page but lots of times this is about me growing and changing.  One of the things that I finally figured out that living with multiple personalities was a powerful survival tool, it left little time or energy for relationships, friendship, creativity, exploring, experiments, just about everything was focused on survival instead of living.  I am glad I integrated.  I made the choice and did everything I knew how to do to move towards that goal.  Then I arrived and was so disappointed that so many problems were still there dissociating, forgetfulness, confusion, disjointed time, and other struggles were freaking still there. I wasn't impressed.  Now, I learned so many different tools that I am for the most part really happy.  I enjoy my family, friends and job.  I feel like I can accomplish what I put my mind to do.  I didn't know life could be so awesome.  I still have problems, I didn't find an easy button.  I discovered the joy I feel is in the challenge of living.  I don't know what this morphing will look like, no more than a caterpillar understand that he is the butterfly.  I hope you will join me in the journey of exploration.  I already follow some of your blogs.  If you are writing a blog and would like to share it here leave a comment with a link. 

My art work is speaking for me: