Peel off the mud

4. Peel off the mud

http://www.purposefairy.com/6661/change-your-life-through-the-art-of-self-master

This to most people would be a 'DUH' statement.  Totally self evident is to peel off the mud in your life to make it better.  For me, when I started counseling, I went to learn how to communicate better with DH.  I didn't need counseling for me, I just needed to learn how to communicate better.  My counselor turned to me and asked, "Tell me about your childhood." I answered, "It was great, we went to the park and the zoo."  He told me I needed to peel off the mud and look at my life.  I assured him I had a great childhood and there was no mud in my life.  He didn't call me a liar.  He knew the mud was all I knew.  KavinCoach led me to the RED PILL and let me decide if I wanted to take it or not.  I fought him every inch of the way.  I exhausted myself fighting and wanting to scream there was nothing wrong with my childhood.  Took me finally admitting I was encased in mud to start the process of peeling off the mud.  Counseling turned my world inside out and upside down....No that isn't quite right.  I was all ready upside down and turned inside out, my counselor challenged me to turn myself over and clear a way the mud.  He wouldn't tell me I had to do this or that.  He would give me the information I needed so I would look at all the mud I was surrounded in and I would ask him, "How do I get out of this mess?"  At first, I wanted DH and everyone around me to change then my life would be better.  KavinCoach taught me, and I finally believed, I could only change myself and every where I looked there was mud in my life.  I was raised in it.  I brought it with me into my marriage and where ever I went.  I acknowledged the adults in my life dumped all sorts of mud all over me while I was growing up.  It didn't matter how, when or who dumped the mud on me.  What matter was did I want to get out?  Did I want to peel off years of caked on mud?  Was I willing to change my life completely from what I knew growing up?  Was I willing to see the truth and see that my life was a mess?  Humbling to go to marriage counseling and finding out, I was the problem.  I felt humiliated, shame, discouragement, suicidal from learning that I was a mess and spread my mess.  KavinCoach reassured me over and over again that there was a lovely human being waiting inside the encased mud just waiting to get out.  He would help me.  He did, for seven and a half years, then he moved.  I freaked out terrified that I couldn't live in this weird new world that was so different from my childhood.  He didn't chastise me.  He didn't tell me to grow up.  He didn't make me feel small.  He introduced me to his good friend and colleague, NewCounselor.  It was a rocky start because NewCounselor was thrown in at the deep end of the pool with me facing a monster trigger.  His style was quite different from KavinCoach.  He was awesome.  I was afraid.  He taught me more new ways to look at my life and how to live it.  He challenged me to live.  He encouraged me to sit with my emotions.  He helped me see and use the tools taught to me by KavinCoach.  He gave me more tools.  I was blessed to have two very different yet very amazing counselors.  I took a sledge hammer to the encasement of mud.  I pounded through walls of mud until I came out into the sunshine.  Yea.  Peel off the mud.  It is a beautiful place out here, out of the mud.