Narcissistic survey

"You can't cross a sea by merely staring into the water."
- Rabindranath Tagore

Every once in a while I like to review information I have gone over before. Some people believe that is being stuck in the past. I believe that reviewing some areas that were problematic helps me to see if there is something else needing repair. Like editing a paper or checking over a dinner table for Thanksgiving, reviewing allows me to look at what I might have missed.  Healing is a messy process of mending this boundary, healing this hurt, shoring up confidence here or there and generally working on a lot of different areas.  Occasionally, I feel the need to review.  For those readers that are new to this page and wondering if there mother is a narcissistic, this is a great list of questions to consider.   

Dr. Karyl McBride wrote the book Will I Ever be Enough?  On her web page is a survey to examine if your mother is a narcissistic.  If your father is narcissistic, you may need to alter the question slightly.  http://www.willieverbegoodenough.com/is-this-your-mom/
(She also holds a Monday night chat on Facebook for those that are interested.)

I reviewed the list and felt quite pleased when my yeses have changed to "Not any more."
For example:
19. Do you feel helpless in the presence of your mother?
That used to be used to be yes....now, I say, "Not any more."

23. Do you find it difficult to be a separate person from your mother?
That used to be used to be yes....now, I say, "Not any more."

Do you get the idea?  I felt so good reading through that list and ticking off one after another saying, "Not any more."  She hasn't changed, I have.  I lost fear of losing her approval; I can't get it any way so there is nothing to lose.  I lost fear of her anger; I walk away.  I lost fear of her opinion; I recognize her distorted view.  Her distortions are her problem not mine.  I like where I am going and I don't feel like I lost anything but a bunch of useless old baggage.  I am low contact and that is working for me.  Not everyone has that option.    

I like Vanci's post too.  She shared her own vision of reviewing her progress.  I appreciate her sharing her story and admire her courage for changing her life.
http://notmyrock.blogspot.com/2012/10/alone-isnt-always-lonely.html

No matter where you are in your journey, just learning, struggling towards healthy, or reviewing where you have come from, keeping heading for healthy.  I am feeling better about myself than I ever dreamed possible.