Not so perfect world

Several days now passed since the upset over at upsi's blog.  The event hit several major triggers for me that I shared in my posts.  I recognized and acknowledge that the situation was a trigger and I shared the challenge I face everyday with hypersensitivity and hypervigilance.  One of the comments on someone elses blog was fear of writing what you feel on blogs or comments and being rejected.  They wanted to feel safe here.  My first year of blogging I learned the hard way that you need to take time to get to know each other.  Plus, we are all going to make mistakes.  My whopper is I told someone else in a comment on their blog that I would pray for them.  I offended this person and she made a comment on my blog letting me know I was out of line in terms that really hurt me.  I tried to continue to visit her webpage after apologizing but I felt nervous wondering what backlash would I get if I made another mistake.  I grew up in terror of making the slightest mistake.  I felt the same anxiety.  Out of respect to her and my growing anxiety I stopped following her blog.  I reassessed my behavior online.  However, I am also trying to learn to speak up when I feel something strongly.  This week a reader stopped following my blog.  Do I believe it is the results of my reaction to upsi's situation? Probably.  I am ok with someone disagreeing with me enough that they no longer want to follow my blog.  This isn't the only time this has happened.  Before counseling this would have sent me into a tail spin.  My desire to people please was so high that I would hurt myself trying to meet someone else's expectations.  I don't know Charity, her motives, or any clear understanding of her sincerity.  I do know my reaction, the triggers the event hit, and my own questioning of myself and other people's reaction.  I don't believe she needs to be "banished." From my observation her leaving was her choice.  I do believe in taking a step back and evaluating what happens next.  I learned a few things about myself during this week.  I still have issues with my past that can really stir me up with present situations.  I am very protective of those I have gotten to know on line.  I learned that they don't really need my protection.  upsi's posts on Conversion http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.com/2012/10/conversion.html and Debrief http://upsi-upsi.blogspot.com/2012/10/debrief.html demonstrate quite clearly her ability to process and grow from difficult situations.