Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Become the observer


8. Become the observer of your own life.



 http://www.purposefairy.com/6661/change-your-life-through-the-art-of-self-mastery/

Say What?  Wait a minute.  I worked long and hard to stop being an observer only.  It is called dissociation and at an extreme levels detrimental to my personal and emotional life.  Slam on breaks, screech, AAAAAAGGGGHHHH.

Let me rethink this.  If a person does not dissociate at an extreme level but steps back and observes their own behavior and evaluates what choices are available this is not the same as dissociation.  I believe that PuposeFairy does not mean to disconnect from all emotions and past.  I think the meaning intended is putting a little distance for a short time and pay attention to all the different nuances that are pushing and pulling to get attention and effecting my emotions.  Different then what I did when I dissociated. Sometimes when I read an article or post I need to think about different perspectives.  My over reaction to hot buttons I need to step back and evaluate, is my reaction reasonable to the situation?  I think journal writing assists in doing this in a healthy way.   KavinCoach spent a lot of time teaching me to slow down my knee jerk emotional reaction to many things.  He wanted me to pay attention to what emotions were coming into the situation.  Observe if the event is tripping any triggers.  NewCounselor encouraged me to sit with my emotions to absorb their meaning and impact.  After observing how I feel, work out how I want to react to the situation.  When I first did this, it would take weeks and sometimes a couple of counseling sessions.  Now, I can figure things out much faster.  A couple of days and I can usually get a clue.  I am starting to see that step 8 has real value when done in a healthy nurturing frame of mind.  Sometimes a statement is not what I think it means.  I benefit from rereading the same information more than once.  Deep breath....what am I doing?....is my reaction reasonable?...does my behavior reflect the person I want to be?   I can be an observer of my own life without detaching so completely that I loose my humanity.


4 comments:

mulderfan said...

One of my favourite authors suggest we step back and observe the dynamics in our FOO. For those who aren't ready for full NC, short periods of NC are a really good way to do this. Observe their behaviour as well as your own feelings. I found out I felt much better without them in my life!

Judy said...

You actually do this quite a bit: Self-analysis.

Ruth said...

Thanks mulderfan. It is a good idea to test ourselves as to what is healthy for ourselves.

Good point Judy, Self-analysis is a healthy step in observing my own actions. Thanks. :)

Judith said...

I think I dissociate so much still that I'm unsure of where my real feelings are. I'm still so reactive rather than interactive. I love the idea of being an observer of my life.

One of the biggest challenges for me as a writer is that although I am very observant, my main characters tend to be like me -- understanding and compassionate about others, but distant from their own selves. It puts a peculiar tone overt writing, which sometimes serves the story but sometimes is off-putting to readers looking for a different kind of POV in their reading.