Choosing to Change

Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinion of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.
Katherine Mansfield

Yesterday I responded to a list of behaviors that a people pleaser does.  I changed each phrase to a positive action I can do.  The first step to changing is recognizing what I need to change.

I love an old joke I first read in an email years ago:  (Not true but illustrates my point.)

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995.
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

How many times have I gone full speed ahead at a lighthouse?  Then I feel totally baffled that I ship wreck.  Really.  Something needs to change and that something is not a thing it is a who, ME.  KavinCoach told me repeatedly that the only person I could change was ME.  That was ok.  When I started counseling I was miserable and feeling increasingly suicidal. Changing me sounded like a brilliant plan.  It was MY CALL.  I risked everything that I was and held dear to me to change.  I worked hard.  I did the assigned homework and found more of my own homework.  Integrating risked everything that I was to become healthier.  Some of my goals are very lofty and changing my life is a bit like trying to turn an aircraft carrier it will take time.  That's ok.  I honestly feel I am happier than I have ever been in my life.