Self Mastery

Change Your Life Through the Art of Self Mastery

http://www.purposefairy.com/6661/change-your-life-through-the-art-of-self-mastery/ 

Also check out Roots to Blossom  
http://roots2blossom.wordpress.com/2012/10/18/its-all-up-to-me-now-i-see/

Yesterday's post was all about my self reflection on last week's events and recognizing markers of growth. I recognized that counseling with KavinCoach and NewCounselor bridged the gap from what I didn't know to where I am now.  However, when I read each comment I realized that each reader brings their concerns and their progress to an intersection with mine.  I think this is the power of sharing in a blog format.  In a journal, I am the only reader, only my story appears, no feedback, no change in perspective, a recording of my thoughts and feelings at the moment in time, preserved for later review.  I have written journals, buried somewhere in my storage room.  This blog is over two years old.  Around this time two years ago I found out that KavinCoach was moving.  I shared my journey of continuing to heal and choosing a healthier way to live.  I faced challenges and won.  I faced challenges and failed.  Either way, I continuing moving.  I read other blogs to learn and connect with others.  I stopped reading some blogs because I learned it was not a healthy place for me.  I sometimes stop reading blogs because I have so much on my plate I can't keep up with my life and withdrawing and slowing down is a survival tool for me.  My body tends to take painful revenge when I over do and try too much.

Purposefairy was introduced to me by a fellow reader on Facebook.  (Thank you for sharing wonderful ideas and posts.)  The above post shared her views that helped her in her quest for self mastery.  I wanted a place to explore this concept of self mastery. I am choosing here in my blog.  I grew up enmeshed with my mother.  Where she ended and I began made no sense to me.  I was instructed from my earliest memories to take care of her then my sister and younger brother.  Boundaries were nonexistent.  I brought this unhealthy thinking into my marriage and raising my own family.  I tried to do things differently than how I was raised.  I tried reading self help books but with little understanding of what I was struggling with in my own little world.  I recognized in my early 30's that my life was a mess but no idea where to turn.  I prayed...often.  I started with learning about and mastering my own physical health.  After having cancer, I tackled trying to understand why I didn't seem to be able to communicate with those close to me.  I didn't understand my own severe dissociation.  I called it a shadow warrior that could knock me out cold, literally.  I passed out frequently with no medical basis as to why.  I knew something was wrong but severely underestimated the power of the mind in harming the body. Mind-Body-Spirit connection, out of balance leads to disease, depression, or loss of faith.  To me, my life goal is to master myself so that this triad will work together to strengthen me rather than the stresses between them pulling me apart.  I don't know answers this is an exploration that is on going and I invite you to come along and share your stories too. 

1. Give your SELF permission to BE SELFISH 

A life time of putting others first seems worthy but an empty vessel has nothing to share.  I needed to learn to take care of myself first, then I am better able to have the strength and resources to help others.  Raised as a people pleaser, I was so busy attempting to please everyone else that I nearly destroyed myself.  One of my favorite stories:

The Old Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

An old man and a young boy were traveling through their village with their donkey. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk.
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying, "How awful to put such a load on a poor donkey."
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you may as well just kiss your ass goodbye.

(I found it at http://www.jumbojoke.com/the_old_man_the_boy_and_the_donkey.html)


I needed for my physical, emotional and spiritual well being to stop people pleasing and start living my own purposeful life.  First, I needed to be myself.  Some people consider such a step being selfish.  I suppose my no longer scrambling to serve them did appear selfish to them.  I stopped serving their purposes.  I became myself.  Individuation is the specific word for this.  From the Free dictionary:

1. The act or process of individuating, especially the process by which social individuals become differentiated one from the other. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/individuation

I am myself. 

Under construction