Every child believes that their mother is crazy, my children have documentation. I have joked about this for the past 7 years. I struggled with accepting my diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with dissociation at a severe level. This week I was upgraded to 'working on marital problems and interpersonal skills.' Also this week someone made a reply on my comment at another blog that we laugh about things or go crazy. It hit a nerve. I went crazy to survive. I laughed about it and no one knew I was crying on the inside. I worked so hard to become healthy. Now that I have come so far I still struggle with thinking of my self as healthy. I still have so many questions. Today I mentioned that I could wear my Tshirts at my new job. "Well of course you won't wear your crazy shirts." This is in reference to my collection of t-shirts that refer to my craziness, for example, "Gone to find myself, if I get back before I return keep me here," or "Out of my mind, please, leave a message." I joked and laughed my way to accepting that to survive I became crazy. Craziness was my form of adjustment. I am not ashamed of what I did. I made the first choice when I was 5 years old when I didn't have a lot of survival skills but a very big problem. Dr. Banks was a psychiatrist that gave a speech on "Mental Hygiene." He shared ideas on how to stay sane. I nearly memorized that tape. (Yup, that is giving away my age; it was a cassette tape.) He talked about insanity being a form of adjustment. He also taught me an interesting perspective on mental health.
As you wander on through life, brother,
Whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the donut,
And not upon the hole.
Whatever be your goal,
Keep your eye upon the donut,
And not upon the hole.
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