Thursday, October 10, 2013

Start where you are?

"Everyone who got to where they are had to begin where they were."
- Richard Paul Evans
 


But what do I do if I don't know where I am?  During the first half of my marriage, our family moved around... a lot.  We tried new places and explored different possibilities for living...big cities, small towns, down South and up North.  One of the places we lived is an area called Tri-Cities, Washington.  3 cities, 3 freeways, and 3 rivers seemed to me no matter where I was going I got lost in their confusing exits of left or right, both being used.  I kept a map in the glove box of the car.  I would get lost, get the map out, and figure out where I was then I would check the map once again to see if I could get to where I needed to be.  On one occasion, I took my parents into this area.  After getting lost for the third time, my father asked me if I knew where I was going.  In total exasperation I exclaimed, "I know where I am going, I just don't know where I am."  I noticed my life offers me many opportunities of knowing where I want to get to but I don't know where I am or what I need to do to get to what I want.  I believe J.K. Rowling described this feeling with the Mirror of Erised.  You can see the reflection of what you want but no means of how to get it.  Sometimes I get moving in a direction but I feel like it is getting me farther away from the things I believe to be most important.  Only I discover it was a necessary detour to get around an obstacle I didn't see.  I think this is what I use counseling for now.  I have a fairly clear idea of what I want out of my life.  I even have a few clues of how to get there, then I hit a dead end.  Or a problem crops up again and again and again.  I feel like a hamster on a wheel putting forth a great effort and going no where.  When I talk to MyCounselor I need to clearly describe to someone else the things I am observing.  He expects me to work out as much as I can on my own then I can ask him questions on how to better function.  I draw on his experience and what he learned works for other people that might be helpful for me.  I also research problems myself in books and the internet.  One advantage I had with helping at a junior high school, I taught myself how to research on the internet.  I learned how to use words that will narrow my search quickly.  I also learned to recognize dead ends.  I learned to look for web pages that are more likely to have reliable information.  I am learning that where I am is in this moment right now.  What I do happens in the next 5 minutes...and right now I need to get some sleep...Good night.



4 comments:

mulderfan said...

AA's Step Four (taking a personal inventory) was useful for finding out where I was. For Step 5 we meet another person (usually our sponsor) and share what we have found out.

Step 10 we continue to check on how we're doing by doing a quick reinventory on a daily basis.

Over the years, it has been found that the 12 Steps can be reworded slightly and applied to all sorts of situations. Hence the establishment of other 12 Step groups such as Emotions Anonymous and Over-eaters Anonymous.

I think we all need a plan to guide our recovery. Luckily you have a Counselor who is a bit like a professional guide to help you get through life's twists and turns.

I've learned that one day at a time, one step at a time, and trying not to over think things keeps me moving ahead.

Ruth said...

Thanks for the reminder about the personal inventory. I think I need to do a review of that. I appreciate your comment mulderfan. :)

mulderfan said...

1st inventory I did listed all of my negative character traits. A former drinking buddy and I completed our second inventories together and we included STRENGTHS and weaknesses.

I don't think I did it wrong the first time, I just think the second time was a testament to the progress I had made in developing some self-esteem!

Ruth said...

That is so cool that you made so much progress.

High 5 mulderfan.