"The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behavior affect the rights and well being of others."
-- Sharon Anthony Bower, author Powerquotes - Creating Daily Insights and Inspiration
Volume 7, Number 238 - ISSN: 1523-8008
I was spring cleaning my computer and found this quote again, saved deep in a folder. I put it here as a draft and then never quite knew how to tackle the subject. Why is this important to me that it is saved in multiple places but still unused? I think the problem is that I am still working on it. This is not clear cut or logical when applied to people that do not play fair. When a person wants me to be their doormat and I refuse, I'm the one that gets branded aggressive and unreasonable because I do not let them use me they way they want to. I hurt their feeling....yea, all one of them. This would be great quote in reference to healthy people but there are a lot of unhealthy people in my life. I can't avoid all of them. I am in search of a better description. This definition leaves the decision if I am aggressive or assertive to someone else. I do not want to give away that powerful choice. I decide if I am being aggressive or assertive.
How about this quote?
Assertive people have acquired the skills to state their opinions to others in a respectful manner while those who are aggressive attack others and force their opinions on others...
http://www.livestrong.com/article/140884-aggressive-behavior-vs-assertive-behavior/
I think this is a little closer because it is refers to my intent.
Thank you Mayo Clinic, I think I have a winner:
Being assertive is a core communication skill. Being assertive means that you express yourself effectively and stand up for your point of view, while also respecting the rights and beliefs of others.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
The part that was missing from the first definition is standing up for my point of view. I know how to be a doormat. I know how to be passive aggressive. I know how to dissociate and disengage and avoid. I am still learning to stand up for my point of view in a respectful way.
Interesting articles:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201406/passive-aggressive-vs-assertive-behavior-in-relationships
http://www.earthlingcommunication.com/a/assertive-skills/assertive-vs-aggressive-communication.php This article uses the first quote by Bower. Going for the Win-Win.
http://www.etfo.ca/AdviceForMembers/PRSMattersBulletins/Pages/Assertive%20Versus%20Aggresive%20Behaviour.aspx
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| Aggressive |
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| Assertive |
2 comments:
Sigh. Thanks for posting this Ruth. I think I sometimes have difficulty understanding the difference between "assertive" and "aggressive." Sometimes, I cross too easily into "aggressive" territory and still think I'm just being assertive.
Your welcome. I find for me this is an ongoing process of understanding where defending myself switches to attacking someone else. I want to defend myself and my boundaries without trampling the rights of others. However, the slightest boundary is offensive to some people so I can't really gauge what is enough from their reaction.
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