Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Awakening

Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.  Einstein 


Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart.  Who looks outside, dreams.  Who looks inside, awakens.  Carl Jung 
Please visit our website at www.innerkiddies.com

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
Winston Churchill

The awesomeness of photography helped to unleash my inner awakening.  The assignment...Self portraiture.  I took the class over 9 years ago before I started counseling.  I took 3 rolls of film in black and white.  I was totally amazed as I developed the film.  I wondered if someone had swiped my camera.  But I knew that wasn't true.  I took the series of 8x10 black and white prints and twisted them into a Möbius strip.  I joked the that the project was all about "Me, Me, Me."  I didn't know how accurate I was.  I didn't know then what I know now.  I didn't know that I was functioning as 5 different MEs.  I just didn't know.  When I started counseling and things started going in a way different direction than I expected I showed KavinCoach what a Möbius strip was and how I used it to describe myself.  I knew at some level that I functioned differently.  When KavinCoach asked me which one was 'real', it was the first time the personalities all felt the same feeling at the same time, pure outrage.  How dare he imply that one of us was not real.  We were all real.  We were not imaginary friends.  We were separate and we were not making it in life.  We focused so long on surviving, we had no idea how to live.  KavinCoach challenged me to integrate.  He said it would help me thrive.  He said I would be able to feel things and do things that I have never done before.  He told me it would be better.  He didn't tell me HOW it could be done.  I asked for an inch and got a marathon.  I integrated.  After three years of being integrated, he is right.  It is better.  I am learning what thriving feels like.  It feels real good.  I am feeling things that I have never felt before.  I am doing things that I didn't know were possible.  I had the seed in me all along, Little Me.  KavinCoach taught me to nurture, nourish, encourage, parent me, the real me.  The learning curve is steep.  I feel sometimes I am getting a crash course in living.  Sometimes I just feel like I crash.  Then I remember, I feel.  Sometimes I feel this awesome happiness that I have never felt before.  Don't get me wrong, I have felt happy many times.  This is different.  Always before there was an edge of darkness.  Like every sunny day had a dark ominous edge just waiting for me.  Now I feel an awesome feeling that I believe is called JOY.  




3 comments:

mulderfan said...

Your story never ceases to amaze and inspire me!

Hugs!

Laurel Hawkes said...

Awesome.

Ruth said...

Thank you mulderfan and Laurel.