Monday, June 2, 2014

Cold Hearted Orb


Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colours from our sight
Red is gray and yellow, white
But we decide which is right
And which is an illusion

Pinprick holes in a colourless sky
Let insipid flickers of light pass by
The mighty light of ten thousand suns
Challenges infinity and is soon gone
Night time, to some a brief interlude
To others the fear of solitude

Brave Helios, wake up your steeds
Bring the warmth the countryside needs

http://www.webwriter.f2s.com/moody/lyrics/dofp.htm


I am furious with myself for believing an illusion.
I am disappointed that a vapor of thought vanished into nothingness.
I child grasps so blindly to fantasy then feels bewildered when the fantasy dissolves and vanishes as fantasies do.

To want something so badly only to see that it is just not possible.
I am feeling a deep sadness tonight.
Can't sleep.
Must grieve.
Can't cry.
Heavy sigh.

TW suggested I add this:
"I do not deserve their deranged behavior:"
"THEY are responsible for their deranged behavior; it never has and never will have anything to do with me personally. They don't have a CLUE who I am. I DO. I REJECT their definitions of the Me they don't know and don't want to know."




6 comments:

mulderfan said...

Don't be furious at yourself for struggling against a lifetime of conditioning.
"Give me the children until they are seven, and anyone may have them afterwards". St Francis Xavier.
They had their hooks into you way beyond the age of seven. Be gentle and kind to yourself as you break free.

Ruth said...

Thanks mulderfan. I appreciate your kindness and understanding. I will repeat to myself, "I do not deserver their deranged behavior."

Tundra Woman said...

Ruth,
Can you add to "I do not deserve their deranged behavior:"
"THEY are responsible for their deranged behavior; it never has and never will have anything to do with me personally. They don't have a CLUE who I am. I DO. I REJECT their definitions of the Me they don't know and don't want to know."
TW

Ruth said...

Thanks TW. I will add this to my list.

Cassandra said...

(((((Ruth)))))

Ruth said...

Thanks Cassandra.