Bummer

I've been pushing hard for months.  Pushing through one anxiety wielding experience after another.  Last night I had a panic attack during my Karate test.  Yes, I failed the test.  I deserved to.  My body and mind have hinted for weeks that I need a break.  I need to stop pushing myself so hard.  I need a breather.  Did I listen?  Nooooooooo.  I am trying to be some type of hero and feel like PTSD can't control my life.  Well, it may not control my life but it sure can beat me up from time to time.  Last night was a harsh reminder that yes, I am making progress, no I can't ignore escalating symptoms.  So I called in sick to work today.  Illness like PTSD can't be fixed with an aspirin or an antibiotic.  It can be controlled with respecting myself.  Pacing myself. Caring for myself.  3 things I haven't done lately.

 Life is like Legos, got to put the pieces together.