The system works

Last week I had a panic attack during a progress check for karate.  I was deeply discouraged and alarmed.  I fell prey to one of the myths about PTSD.  When you heal, the symptoms all go away.  I reminded myself I manage new hiccups.  First I analyzed. I worked it backwards.  I knew when the attack ended and worked my mind through my time line to where the first discomfort began.  I realized that I was trying to please someone else and knowingly hurting myself to do it.  Hook straight out of my past.  Spent the week reviewing in my mind as much as possible what the hook was.  Where it attached to my past.  Then chose to disconnect the present situation from the past event.  I worked on it all week.  Today, I redid the progress check.  I made it through without any panic attack.  I felt some anxiety because I don't like people watching me and judging me.  But I didn't let that anxiety take over my breathing and actions.  When I finished, I was relieved that my plan of action worked.  Frosting on the cake, I passed my progress check.  On to the next part of the test.  I review the week and realize that my first counselor was right.  I would learn the process of acknowledging, identifying, desensitizing, then mastering a trigger.  It feels good to know I did it.

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