Contrast to People Pleasing

Ruthless Compassion Institute

One essential aspect of a healthy relationship is generosity of spirit. This has to be distinguished from being a pleaser & a care-taker, however. The person who's generous of spirit is happy to give to others b/c it brings them joy to do so. It's an important way that they express love. The pleaser or care-taker gives to others b/c consciously or unconsciously, they believe that this is what they must do in order to be loved. People who are generous of spirit may appear, on the surface, to be the same as a pleaser or care-taker, but their motivations are different. They truly take pleasure in giving to others. This is the way of an empowered adult whose heart is full & whose loving kindness overflows to others. The person on the receiving end experiences pleasing & care-taking quite differently than they experience generosity of spirit. The former cause them to feel somewhat uncomfortable, while the latter makes them feel warm & happy inside. Pleasing & care-taking will often engender feelings of discomfort, misunderstandings or conflicts, whereas generosity of spirit most often leads to feelings of contentment & deepened connections.

I think this comment goes along with the article from the other day. 
http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2015/04/nice-vs-kind.html
I believe that when I get the same information from multiple sources, I am blessed with an opportunity to look at the same information from different angles. 

Interesting how Ruthless Compassion points out the most people feel warm and happy on the receiving end of generosity of spirit.  I'm not most people.  I used to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what a generous person wanted.  I was familiar with pleasing & care-taking.  I understood that if you helped me you expected something in return.  When I encountered a person with a generous spirit I exhausted myself trying to understand that they truly expected nothing in return for their help.  I finally was able to wrap my warped mind around the concept when I saw the movie, "Pay it Forward."  Nothing in return, a gift with no strings attached, a kindness for no other reason than I existed and needed help.  Wow.  What is this strangeness.  Took me many encounters before I started feeling comfortable and ultimately awe and admiration for people that give from a place of abundance.  I don't mean abundance in the form of money.  Some of the least generous people have great health.  Those with the feeling of abundance can be in the worse possible conditions.  Betsy and Corrie Ten Boom are women that I admire in there generosity of spirit in the concentration camps.  Mother Theresa is another person that gave from a spirit of generosity.  These women are big examples.  Sometimes a little hard for me to grasp or see myself being able to follow their foot steps.  The stranger that smiles at me when I am down.  A driver that allows me to move in front of them.  A lady that lets me go ahead in the grocery store when she noticed how tired I was.  I remember a few years back (maybe more than a few since the event happened when we lived in Washington state more than 20 years ago) a disillusioned stock broker quit his 6 figure job in New York City and vowed to walk across America.  I remember listening to his tale when he arrived in Seattle Washington.  I went hunting for information and he wrote a book about it. 
http://www.amazon.com/Walk-Across-America-Peter-Jenkins/dp/006095955X
What he discovered was a richness and generosity of spirit that restored his soul. I now enjoy being on the receiving end of generosity of spirit.  I am also working at developing this attribute.