One of the definitions I encountered for empowerment is this one from Ruthless Compassion. I quote her often because she makes me think about things from a new angle, a different perspective. I don't always agree with her but I always think about what she writes. I am glad I Liked her on Facebook. Empowerment is a subject first introduced to me early on in my counseling. KavinCoach talked often about empowering me....getting me to recognize that I am a force to be reckoned with....I have power now but I kept giving it away. To say I was a little bewildered by this talk of power would be a massive understatement. This feeling of power took a long, long time to start to envision. Even longer to start to feel. Only one of my personalities had any sense of personal power and the rest of my personalities were afraid of her. Integration my feelings of empowerment seemed to vanish, I felt so vulnerable and inadequate. Like a baby bird just hatched, I felt small and fragile. The beautiful thing about integrating was I began to grow and mature in ways that I should have done as a teenager. Yes, I am a 50+ teenager. Frightened me for awhile but now I am starting to recognize it is during the teenage years that person learns how powerful they are and what weaknesses exist. With empowerment, comes a sense and feeling of vulnerability. It is a far more complex feeling than I ever expected. I am feeling empowered more and more frequently and like any teenager I am a little clumsy with it from time to time. I love learning about empowerment, the path to thriving.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Empowerment
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Fight, Flight, Freeze......
I was raised with the Fight-Flight paradigm, either learn to run or learn to fight. Later I learned about Freeze, the reactions similar to rabbits that freeze holding perfectly still hoping danger doesn't notice their existence. I am great at freezing and flight is not far behind in my skill set. Standing to fight, I learned I am a bit of disaster. Not much stand and fight in me. Counseling put me through my paces. It tore up past ideas and instilled new ones. I struggled to learn lessons I should have learned as a child. Fight, flight, and freeze are all natural responses to stress. What I wasn't taught was the other human choice, negotiation. Negotiation requires human skills like knowing what you want, being willing to search for a win-win arrangement, and most importantly a feeling of empowerment. Years of not believing I had any power led me to say things like "I have to...." "I must....." "I don't have a choice about....." Like training an elephant to stand quietly with a rope around its leg. Stake it with a heavy chain as a baby elephant, the adult elephant believes that the thin rope is unbreakable. Childhood conditioning of being powerless left me with an adult feeling that I was powerless. A powerless person may feel anger but doesn't believe they can do anything about it. Empowerment changes the dynamics. It also changes my vocabulary to "No thank you." "I believe something different would be best for me." "I choose to do this or that" I own my life and my choices. I am only now scratching the surface of what empowerment can mean for me. MyCounselor observed at our last session that I am getting an 'attitude.' I am working on learning how to use it. The thought of taking my fears and facing up to them seems so much more possible when I am feeling empowered.
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| Fight |
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| Flight |
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| Freeze |
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| Training elephants |
Monday, July 29, 2013
F E A R
F E A R = Face. Everything. And. Rise.
Sent and resent, I saw this and snagged it to put it here. I wanted to think about it. I wanted to pick apart how I feel about this definition of fear. I do believe that it fits in with the quote, "Feel the fear and do it any way." But it feels like there is an added dimension of just not functioning in spite of my fear but using my fear as a jumping point to another level. I remember watching my kids play Mario Brothers on Nintendo. They had a way of jumping on top of bad guys that sprung them up to get points and rise to new levels. Using fear to bust through brick walls has serious possibilities. Fear pushes significant buttons in our bodies. The adrenal rush kicks in. Thrill seekers become addicted to this rush and look for something more and more frightening at the movies, in sports, or other avenues. Abuse survivors all ready had more fear than they cared to experience. Fear is often used by abusers to control and quiet their victim. However, what if the victim could tap into the fear much like a thrill seeker to propel themselves out of the situation they are currently facing. What if instead of cowering we take the fear and turn it to anger. There is the catch. Anger is demonized as a "bad" emotion. Any "good" person must suppress this "bad" emotion. Abusers want their victims paralyzed by their fears and ashamed to release anger that would propel them out of the situation. Take that FEAR and face it then lay it down as a stepping stone. To me, part of facing my fear was accepting the rage I felt. The rage linked to all the different ways my boundaries were violated. Face Everything And Rise. Move beyond - Past - take back my personal power. This definition is going to be explored to see where I can take it. Fear a stepping stone to a stronger me.
Sent and resent, I saw this and snagged it to put it here. I wanted to think about it. I wanted to pick apart how I feel about this definition of fear. I do believe that it fits in with the quote, "Feel the fear and do it any way." But it feels like there is an added dimension of just not functioning in spite of my fear but using my fear as a jumping point to another level. I remember watching my kids play Mario Brothers on Nintendo. They had a way of jumping on top of bad guys that sprung them up to get points and rise to new levels. Using fear to bust through brick walls has serious possibilities. Fear pushes significant buttons in our bodies. The adrenal rush kicks in. Thrill seekers become addicted to this rush and look for something more and more frightening at the movies, in sports, or other avenues. Abuse survivors all ready had more fear than they cared to experience. Fear is often used by abusers to control and quiet their victim. However, what if the victim could tap into the fear much like a thrill seeker to propel themselves out of the situation they are currently facing. What if instead of cowering we take the fear and turn it to anger. There is the catch. Anger is demonized as a "bad" emotion. Any "good" person must suppress this "bad" emotion. Abusers want their victims paralyzed by their fears and ashamed to release anger that would propel them out of the situation. Take that FEAR and face it then lay it down as a stepping stone. To me, part of facing my fear was accepting the rage I felt. The rage linked to all the different ways my boundaries were violated. Face Everything And Rise. Move beyond - Past - take back my personal power. This definition is going to be explored to see where I can take it. Fear a stepping stone to a stronger me.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Day of Rest
'Benefits of day of rest' is a search topic in Google. Research is confirming what religion has known since the beginning of time.
Genesis 2:2
Sports perspective
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/sampleworkouts/a/RestandRecovery.htm
http://www.runnersworld.com/running-tips/rest-easy
Health perspective
http://www.lhj.com/health/stress/relaxation-techniques/the-benefits-of-relaxation/
Weight perspective
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Do_rest_days_help_your_overall_workouts_and_fat_burning
I discovered for myself that is after a day of rest that I am most likely to register weight loss on the scales.
I am very enthusiastic for resting. I get tired easily. However, one of the things that I needed to learn was resting came after the work. Resting on top of resting I actually ended up more tired and less rested after sleeping. I spent almost 3 years in bed with no end in sight. I started with baby steps. Adding a bit more everyday. Sunday was my hardest day when I attended church and wanted to prepare a fancy meal for dinner. Fortunately, DH persuaded me to fix waffles for dinner. Fast, simple and gave me a break. The need for a balance between resting and working is now accepted on every front. Scientists are accepting that God knew the value of resting after work.
Genesis 2:2
And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made. (KJV)
Sports perspective
http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/sampleworkouts/a/RestandRecovery.htm
http://www.runnersworld.com/running-tips/rest-easy
Health perspective
http://www.lhj.com/health/stress/relaxation-techniques/the-benefits-of-relaxation/
Weight perspective
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Do_rest_days_help_your_overall_workouts_and_fat_burning
I discovered for myself that is after a day of rest that I am most likely to register weight loss on the scales.
I am very enthusiastic for resting. I get tired easily. However, one of the things that I needed to learn was resting came after the work. Resting on top of resting I actually ended up more tired and less rested after sleeping. I spent almost 3 years in bed with no end in sight. I started with baby steps. Adding a bit more everyday. Sunday was my hardest day when I attended church and wanted to prepare a fancy meal for dinner. Fortunately, DH persuaded me to fix waffles for dinner. Fast, simple and gave me a break. The need for a balance between resting and working is now accepted on every front. Scientists are accepting that God knew the value of resting after work.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Butterfly Effect
Have you heard of the Butterfly effect?
"Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?"
Perhaps these quotes will be more familiar:
The straw that broke the camel's back.
How about the cartoon where the cat runs into the wall and cracks appear then the mouse blows on the cat and he shatters?
Turning on a dime.
A pivotal point in the story.
Small apparently inconsequential acts that have far reaching and massive impact. Stop and think for just a moment. Think about a time when you made a decision that altered the course of your life. Then think of the events just proceeding that decision. Do you have it in mind?
Living is made up of a mesh of small events, minute-to-minute journal recording is super annoying and very revealing. I had a boss that required me to write every 15 minutes what I was doing. I learned from this experience that many, many small seemingly inconsequential tasks strung together to create my day's work. Why is this significant? It is the key as to why a small event can invoke massive change. All life is made up of small events, like a digital picture made up of tiny pixels each doing their part to form an over all picture. One of the real life experiences that I had was a teacher in 7th grade telling me I was terrible at art. Yup, several of my projects did not turn out up to her standards. Everything we did was new to me, I was just learning. She expected finished products and compared me to others in the class. I allowed this woman's single comment to define myself for years. Another example, I struggled with the belief that my mother had narcissistic behaviors. I kept believing that if I was a better daughter all would be well. Then I read over at upsi's blog about a tiny smile that comes to a narcissistic person as they anticipate the havoc they are about to wreck. I thought, "No, not my mother. She doesn't realize what she does is hurtful." But that mustard seed of thought was planted. I found myself watching my mother at the next family gathering. The conversation was leading to a moment in time that my mother usually says something thoughtless and hurtful. BAM there it was. My mother smiled a tiny little smile just before she zapped one of my siblings with a nasty comment. My mind exploded. The butterfly had being flapping its wings in Brazil all along, I just hadn't paid attention. That single smile became a game changer. A piece of straw, a tiny smile, flapping of a butterfly's wings and my world shifts and changes. It took computers to recreate the butterfly effect in an observable way but people live by it every day. I believe in butterflies and their effect on my world. I also believe those butterflies give me great opportunities to change the direction of my life everyday.
"Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?"
Perhaps these quotes will be more familiar:
The straw that broke the camel's back.
How about the cartoon where the cat runs into the wall and cracks appear then the mouse blows on the cat and he shatters?
Turning on a dime.
A pivotal point in the story.
Small apparently inconsequential acts that have far reaching and massive impact. Stop and think for just a moment. Think about a time when you made a decision that altered the course of your life. Then think of the events just proceeding that decision. Do you have it in mind?
Living is made up of a mesh of small events, minute-to-minute journal recording is super annoying and very revealing. I had a boss that required me to write every 15 minutes what I was doing. I learned from this experience that many, many small seemingly inconsequential tasks strung together to create my day's work. Why is this significant? It is the key as to why a small event can invoke massive change. All life is made up of small events, like a digital picture made up of tiny pixels each doing their part to form an over all picture. One of the real life experiences that I had was a teacher in 7th grade telling me I was terrible at art. Yup, several of my projects did not turn out up to her standards. Everything we did was new to me, I was just learning. She expected finished products and compared me to others in the class. I allowed this woman's single comment to define myself for years. Another example, I struggled with the belief that my mother had narcissistic behaviors. I kept believing that if I was a better daughter all would be well. Then I read over at upsi's blog about a tiny smile that comes to a narcissistic person as they anticipate the havoc they are about to wreck. I thought, "No, not my mother. She doesn't realize what she does is hurtful." But that mustard seed of thought was planted. I found myself watching my mother at the next family gathering. The conversation was leading to a moment in time that my mother usually says something thoughtless and hurtful. BAM there it was. My mother smiled a tiny little smile just before she zapped one of my siblings with a nasty comment. My mind exploded. The butterfly had being flapping its wings in Brazil all along, I just hadn't paid attention. That single smile became a game changer. A piece of straw, a tiny smile, flapping of a butterfly's wings and my world shifts and changes. It took computers to recreate the butterfly effect in an observable way but people live by it every day. I believe in butterflies and their effect on my world. I also believe those butterflies give me great opportunities to change the direction of my life everyday.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Potato Chips
This was sent to me in an email. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Potato Chips
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.
His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted!
They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever..
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, "dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!
Have lunch with God.......bring chips.
Send this to people who have touched your life in a special way. Let them know how important they are. I did!!!!
God still sits on the throne. You may be going through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can.
Keep the faith!
My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you.
Please pass this to at least four people you want to be blessed. This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.
Here is the prayer:
Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and e-mail buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. God, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Your precious name, Amen
Potato Chips
A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey.
When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips. He gratefully accepted it and smiled at him.
His smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again, so he offered him a root beer. Again, he smiled at him. The boy was delighted!
They sat there all afternoon eating and smiling, but they never said a word.
As twilight approached, the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave; but before he had gone more than a few steps, he turned around, ran back to the old man, and gave him a hug. He gave him his biggest smile ever..
When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond, he added, "You know what? He's got the most beautiful smile I've ever seen!"
Meanwhile, the old man, also radiant with joy, returned to his home. His son was stunned by the look of peace on his face and he asked, "dad, what did you do today that made you so happy?"
He replied "I ate potato chips in the park with God." However, before his son responded, he added, "You know, he's much younger than I expected."
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime! Embrace all equally!
Have lunch with God.......bring chips.
Send this to people who have touched your life in a special way. Let them know how important they are. I did!!!!
God still sits on the throne. You may be going through a tough time right now but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can.
Keep the faith!
My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you.
Please pass this to at least four people you want to be blessed. This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.
Here is the prayer:
Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and e-mail buddies reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. God, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Your precious name, Amen
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Depression Quotes
http://depression-quotes.net/depression-quotes-and-sayings-list/
Here are the Top 20 Depression Quotes and Sayings from people hurting from depression.
“There’s a girl in my mirror crying tonight and there’s nothing I can tell her, to make her feel alright”
“And I just started crying, because I didn’t know what else to do. I laughed until I cried.”
“Isn’t it funny that the people that it’s often the people that said “I’ll never hurt you” are the ones who end up hurting you the most?”
“I’ve come to the point where nothing matters anymore and the things I used to care about just aren’t worth fighting for.”
“I’m often silent when I’m screaming inside.”
“Someone when I say “I’m fine”, I just wish someone looked me in the eyes and said “Tell the truth”".
“It’s hard to answer the question what’s wrong when nothing is right.”
“I only lied so I didn’t have to see tears of disappointment in your eyes.”
“Somehow, just being me is never enough.”
“I love to sleep. Life has a tendency to fall apart when I’m awake.”
“Real loss only occurs when you lose something you treasure more than yourself.”
“I want to run, but only far enough to make you miss me.”
“Never underestimate the pain of a person, because the truth is everyone is struggling, it’s just some people hide it better than others”
“You never know what you had, until it’s gone.”
“The only thing standing between me and happiness is reality.”
“It seems to me, the harder I try, the harder I fall.”
“Don’t wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain.”
“I want to be remembered as the girl who could brighten up your day, even if she couldn’t brighten her own.”
“You think I just want to die but in reality I just want to be saved.”
“And in the end, everyone turns out to be the person they swore they’d never become.”
Depression quotes and sayings make us realize that so much loneliness and pain lurk all over the World, and it’s only up to us to change it. You have to understand that while sitting around all day reading depression quotes and sayings, can make you feel better as you’ll understand that there are people out there going through the same pain as you are, but it won’t fix anything.
In order to overcome depression, you need to take some action, and no one can do it except yourself. So, instead of just sitting in your room all day surfing the web, why not talk to people? If someone you know needs a helping hand, reach out and maybe you can go through it together.
Don’t be afraid to be helped either. Depression is not lunacy, but it can make your life a living hell, and this is not what living should be about.
Seek help, then help others with what you’ve learned. Other people need you just as much as you need them.
Happiness is an inside job. I found this on Facebook,
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
Charlie Brown
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Go Get It
"Success doesn't come to you, you go to it."
- Marva Collins
Totally cracked me up to look at my blog and see that I posted instead of saved this quote. Maybe it was an unconscious note to self to stop saving myself for later events but just get out there and do. For years, I had to conserve what little energy I had. It became a habit. I needed to be up to fix dinner. If I did something else, I wouldn't be able to fix dinner. That isn't true any more. I now have the energy to do 45 minutes of Zumba exercise. Sweat pouring off me, breathing hard, and pushing myself past old limits. I am beginning to believe that success is another word for thriving. However, I am not going to let someone else define my success just like I am not going to let someone else define me. I think that was the saddest think I saw at my 20 year class reunion. People trying to impress people they haven't seen in 20 years by showing off a level of success by someone else standard. One woman showed off her boob job. Another bragged about a high powered lawyer job that she hated. All these people trying to show how much better they were than someone else. I believe we all worked as hard at being are own best self than the whole world would be much happier. I believe this is the value of authentic living, choosing to be your own best self you always succeed.
- Marva Collins
Totally cracked me up to look at my blog and see that I posted instead of saved this quote. Maybe it was an unconscious note to self to stop saving myself for later events but just get out there and do. For years, I had to conserve what little energy I had. It became a habit. I needed to be up to fix dinner. If I did something else, I wouldn't be able to fix dinner. That isn't true any more. I now have the energy to do 45 minutes of Zumba exercise. Sweat pouring off me, breathing hard, and pushing myself past old limits. I am beginning to believe that success is another word for thriving. However, I am not going to let someone else define my success just like I am not going to let someone else define me. I think that was the saddest think I saw at my 20 year class reunion. People trying to impress people they haven't seen in 20 years by showing off a level of success by someone else standard. One woman showed off her boob job. Another bragged about a high powered lawyer job that she hated. All these people trying to show how much better they were than someone else. I believe we all worked as hard at being are own best self than the whole world would be much happier. I believe this is the value of authentic living, choosing to be your own best self you always succeed.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Who am I?
Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.
-Eckhart Tolle
I have struggled with this question for years. In high school, I took a search for identity class. I continued to search for understanding. I wasn't satisfied with the answers daughter, student, wife, mother, computer tech, artist, and daughter of God. I figured counseling would help answer this question, instead I just had more questions about myself, my past and who I am. This quote really got my attention on Facebook. I remember a session with KavinCoach where I felt like he was badgering me asking me over and over to describe myself. He kept pointing out I was describing what I do. I think this quote confirms what KavinCoach was trying to get me to understand. I am myself.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Meaning in life
I like Purpose Fairy, she brings together thoughts and ideas on improving living. This is the links to her original article. I used her headings and added my comment to what she said.
http://www.purposefairy.com/10482/15-ways-to-bring-meaning-back-into-your-life/
http://www.purposefairy.com/10482/15-ways-to-bring-meaning-back-into-your-life/
1. Be Happy
To me, happiness is an inside job. If I allow outside circumstances to control how I feel, I am giving my power away.
2. Show Up
Hiding away in my room keeps me safe but so alone. I do count connecting with others from the internet as getting out and about in the world. Isolation is not showing up. Get up, get out, be there.
3. Follow your heart
First challenge, find my heart...what is my passion? Posted away to find out the other day. Dissociation shields me from hurt but also removes me from my heart. Find it and follow.
4. Find a new perspective
Counseling shook up my world like a snow globe. Both counselors encouraged me to look at my world differently. In photography, laying down on the ground gives me a totally different from standing. Flying in a jet again changes my perspective. Sometimes I need to purposefully question my assumptions to see if a change of perspective is what I need to continue to grow.
5. Have a sense of wonder
Photography allows me to totally focus on the wonderful world we live in. Wonder doesn't apply to just what we see but what we feel too. Ever just stopped and felt how wonderful breathing is? Ever let a piece of chocolate slowly melt in your mouth and focus on nothing but the luscious flavor slipping past your tongue?
6. Find people you love
It is awesome if the people that you love are in your family but that is not always the case. I think this is the amazing part about the internet, I can find people all over the world that share my interests and goals. However, I need to go looking.
7. Set goals
This one is tough until I understood that they needed to be my goals. There was a time in my life that my goal was to get out of bed and move to the couch in the living room. Plenty of people would scoff at such a meager goal. However, when I set this goal and started doing it every day it got me moving. When setting goals, don't think about what someone else things you should do. Follow your own heart and stretch just a little past what you are doing now.
8. Help others
Somewhere in all my reading I encountered the Platinum rule, Do unto others what they want done. The beauty of this is two fold, it requires me to get to know the other person well enough that I know what they need and it meets their needs. How awesome is that?
9. Dance
My daughter got me dancing for exercise; it is the only exercise that I have done for more that 2 months. I love dancing at the studio, with my grandkids, and in the rain....Absolute best is dancing in the rain.
10. Pamper yourself
One of my life challenges is recognizing that self care and pampering myself is NOT selfish. One of the pitfalls of fighting against narcissistic behavior is to self neglect. Pampering yourself reassures yourself that you have value and worth taking care of.
11. Face your fears
I love the line, "Feel the fear and do it any way." Counseling helped me face some of my big monster fears. Friends can also assist in helping us face our fears. My sister and I go walking and have what I call sister therapy, we walk and talk about our fears, frustrations and hopes. Prayer or meditation are also great aides to facing fears.
12. Go to a museum
Go do something different. I happen to love museum's too. I am blessed to be in a city with many of them. Did you know that you can also go the museum's online. To get you started here is a link to the Louvre Museum http://www.louvre.fr/en
13. Exercise
I had no idea how powerful this one was until I did it for more than a year. Yup, it needs to be a habit. I learned to push past my limits. I learned that I am stronger than I thought. I learned that exercising with others is fun. It is not easy at first but is one of those things that the more you do the better you are at doing it. I started with walking to the end of my driveway and back. I started with 5 seconds in a plank position. There are several webpages that will help you work out an exercise program for free. I am now a believer in the value of caring for myself by exercising.
14. Limit TV
My kids grumped at me for limiting their TV/video games to 2 hours a day. They quickly learned how many different things there are to do. I am working at doing the same.
15. Get in touch with nature
I have mentioned this one before the value of taking off your shoes and strolling through grass. Many of my pictures center on my love for nature. Carefully growing flowers and tomatoes in a harsh climate depends my appreciation for life's abundance. I am typing this while I listen to the rain patter on my window. What a lovely sound.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Life Meaning
I am fascinated when I read one blog that really strikes a nerve only to read another blog that gives an answer.
Joel over at Impossible Headquarters works at shaking things up. His challenge...Do the impossible because it is there.
http://impossiblehq.com/meaning-of-life
He attended a seminar and listened to Donald Miller, speak. Miller posed a thought provoking questions:
One of the hardest things to live with as a survivor is recognizing that your dreams were destroyed long ago. PTSD rudely reminds me that survival doesn't leave much room for meaning or dreams. Time slips away in a blur of getting though just one more day. Day after day. Meaning, dreams, purpose belongs to others. Or so I believed. In counseling, KavinCoach introduced me to the idea of thriving. He asked me to make a picture of my dreams. I couldn't do it. I had no idea what they were. Childhood dreams disappeared long ago. New dreams never formed. Sorrow never replaces dreams.
Evan over at Authentic Living posted a link to a blog post on 'How to find your Passion?' It is in our passions that we find our dreams and meaning.
Evan's post http://www.livingauthentically.org/2013/07/how-to-find-your-passion/
He sent me to this link http://www.pickyourgoals.com/goalhacks/how-to-find-your-passion/
The post gives step by step instructions for different personality types to identify their own passion and inside that passion is where dreams wait. Wait to come alive when the owner believes it is possible to have them. A part of the healing process, motivation for moving on, are new dreams. New passion forged in the crucible of adversity. I am working on those dreams. Are you working on yours?
Joel over at Impossible Headquarters works at shaking things up. His challenge...Do the impossible because it is there.
http://impossiblehq.com/meaning-of-life
He attended a seminar and listened to Donald Miller, speak. Miller posed a thought provoking questions:
What if life isn’t meaningless? What if just your life is meaningless?
One of the hardest things to live with as a survivor is recognizing that your dreams were destroyed long ago. PTSD rudely reminds me that survival doesn't leave much room for meaning or dreams. Time slips away in a blur of getting though just one more day. Day after day. Meaning, dreams, purpose belongs to others. Or so I believed. In counseling, KavinCoach introduced me to the idea of thriving. He asked me to make a picture of my dreams. I couldn't do it. I had no idea what they were. Childhood dreams disappeared long ago. New dreams never formed. Sorrow never replaces dreams.
Evan over at Authentic Living posted a link to a blog post on 'How to find your Passion?' It is in our passions that we find our dreams and meaning.
Evan's post http://www.livingauthentically.org/2013/07/how-to-find-your-passion/
He sent me to this link http://www.pickyourgoals.com/goalhacks/how-to-find-your-passion/
The post gives step by step instructions for different personality types to identify their own passion and inside that passion is where dreams wait. Wait to come alive when the owner believes it is possible to have them. A part of the healing process, motivation for moving on, are new dreams. New passion forged in the crucible of adversity. I am working on those dreams. Are you working on yours?
 |
| We Dream |
Friday, July 19, 2013
PTSD tips from Facebook
If I find something on Facebook I figure they posted it with intent to have it shared. The original source link is at the bottom. My comments in RED
10 Tips For Understanding Someone With PTSD
PTSD makes communication difficult. Many survivors can’t find the words to express what they’re feeling. Even when they do, it’s very normal for them not to be comfortable sharing their experience. Elements of shame, fear, anger, guilt and grief often get in the way of a calm, focused discussion. This is an understatement. I learned that sometimes it was actually physically painful for me to talk about some of the things that happened to me. Yes, you can pass out from the stress of trying to say what needs to be said.
Friends and family (and anyone else who is not the source of the PTSD but is standing by while someone attempts to heal) need something that translates PTSD language. Armed with knowledge, insight and awareness you’ll have an easier time knowing how to react, respond and relate to your PTSD loved one during the healing process. The more you appreciate things from the PTSD perspective the more helpful and supportive you can be. Now is the time for empathy, compassion and patience. This is all true but none of it is easy. This takes time studying and being open to possibilities...someone close to me struggled with knowing even part of what happened. Messed up their image of who I am. I was the same person, they viewed me differently.
The list below will give you an overview of things to understand. For more in-depth information – plus content specifically geared for you, the caregiver – check out the free archives of our radio show, YOUR LIFE AFTER TRAUMA, which features professionals and experts weighing in on what you need to know about PTSD and your role.
#1 – Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the psychic reaction to trauma, the warning signs and symptoms of PTSD, and available treatment options for PTSD allows you to help recognize, support and guide your PTSD loved one toward diagnosis, treatment and healing.
We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed. Sometimes twists or turns happen that no amount of knowledge will prepare you for, hang on until you get to a place that you can get your feet under you. Don't feel like you have to do this alone, counselors, doctors other family and friends can form a team to help the person with PTSD.
#2 – Trauma changes us. After trauma we want to believe —as do you—that life can return to the way it was; that we can continue as who we were. This is not how it works. Trauma leaves a huge and indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure trauma and not experience a psychic shift.
Expect us to be changed. Accept our need to evolve. Support us on this journey. Sometimes the trauma was so long ago that what was before is long gone. After cancer, I discovered that I changed, it wasn't all bad. Some of the changes in priorities were healthy changes. The past does not define you but it does not leave you untouched. I find when I embrace the change and share with others my enthusiasm for new purposes in life, I am happier.
#3 – PTSD hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with PTSD is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before trauma. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening.
Gently remind us and offer opportunities to engage in an identity outside of trauma and PTSD. PTSD is a reaction not who we are. I was startled after integration to find out that multiple personalities was how I dodged PTSD. When I integrated, I needed new coping skills for PTSD. Fighting cancer I learned that I am not the disease. I am a person with the disease. I work at separating who I am from my PTSD response to life.
#4 – We are no longer grounded in our true selves. In light of trauma our real selves retreat and a coping self emerges to keep us safe.
Believe in us; our true selves still exist, even if they are momentarily buried. Authenticity is temporarily lost. One coping tool is to lie to ourselves and convince ourselves it was not that bad. Takes time to reconnect with our true selves. There are any number of books and articles that discuss the difference between your true self and the mask you hide behind. Some of the feelings I battle was I failed as myself so perhaps a mask is better much like Phantom of the Opera, the scarred features are hideous so mask are more pleasing to others. Unfortunately, the real person is lost and the mask is always less than the original. The authentic true self is there but sometimes deeply buried.
#5 – We cannot always help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. PTSD is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us. We act out accordingly in defense of those feelings we cannot control.
Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors that are so difficult for you to endure. True, up to a point....concern here is when a caregiver is enabling the survivor to stay stuck. Accountability for behavior is still vital. I still needed to apologize when I yell at someone. I am responsible even though controlling my behavior seems almost impossible sometimes. No accountability - weakens my determination to take my behavior back into my control. Both my counselors assigned me homework that helps me practice self control. I may struggle sometimes and need to keep myself way from others but I am still responsible for how I treat others.
#6 – We cannot always be logical. Since our perspective is driven by fear we don’t always think straight, nor do we always accept the advice of those who do.
Keep reaching out, even when your words don’t seem to reach us. You never know when we will think of something you said and it will comfort, guide, soothe or inspire us. Sometimes the advice seems like a foreign language to the survivor. My DH would tell me to not let my mother get in my head....I would get terribly frustrated because I didn't know how to use boundaries to protect myself. I didn't know what he meant at all. Also what seems like good advice to a caregiver or counselor may seem like grabbing barbed wire to a survivor. Following the advice may be excruciatingly painful.
#7 – We cannot just ‘get over it’. From the outside it’s easy to imagine a certain amount of time passes and memories fade and trauma gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with PTSD nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of surging chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the past anymore than you can walk away from us.
Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only make us cling to it more. For PTSD to be there it means there is A LOT of damage. People didn't expect me to recover from cancer in a day, don't expect me to recover from PTSD in a day either. The longer the trauma went on the more extensive the damage. The longer the PTSD is ignored the harder it is to unearth and heal the hidden damage.
#8 – We’re not in denial—we’re coping! It takes a tremendous effort to live with PTSD. Even if we don’t admit it, we know there’s something wrong. When you approach us and we deny there’s a problem that’s really code for, “I’m doing the best I can.” Taking the actions you suggest would require too much energy, dividing focus from what is holding us together. Sometimes, simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make.
Alleviate our stress by giving us a safe space in which we can find support. Years ago when I was physical incapacitated by PTSD someone asked me what a good day was...my answer, "I got up." Then I was quiet and they waited. I then reassured them that was it, a good day I actually got out of bed. Some people find it difficult to believe that something can so cripple you emotionally that your body simply cannot function. Routines are helpful because then I can set myself on autopilot and go a few steps farther. Imagine some one in a terrible car wreck but lives with a mangled body. PTSD is kind of like that but it is our soul that was mangled.
#9 – We do not hate you. Contrary to the ways we might behave when you intervene, somewhere inside we do know that you are not the source of the problem. Unfortunately, in the moment we may use your face as PTSD’s image. Since we cannot directly address our PTSD issues sometimes it’s easier to address you.
Continue to approach us. We need you to! One of the many discussions I had with KavinCoach was the problem of putting a kinder softer face on the problem. It is easier to rage at someone safe then the terrifying enemy in our mind. Reminding a survivor that you are not the enemy is helpful. Please, expect me to apologize is I am a total jerk.
#10 - Your presence matters. PTSD creates a great sense of isolation. In our post-traumatic state, it makes a difference to know that there are people who will stand by us. It matters that although we lash out, don’t respond and are not ourselves, you are still there, no matter what.
Don’t give up, we’re doing our best. Support and encouragement from multiple sources makes a difference. This is why I mention over and over the value of having a team of people to help. A baseball team of only a pitcher with no basemen doesn't win the game. We are blessed with internet, doctors, counselors, friends, and family to help build a survival team. As I grow in strength I try to help someone else that is traveling the same path. There are many more people out there with PTSD. I learned to hide my symptoms, others hide too. Keep in mind that I am sometimes jealous of those that are helping me. My counselor, family and friends can walk away from me and take a much needed break...I don't even get to sleep and get a break. PTSD follows me into my sleep and swaps out nightmares for dreams. Like cancer of the soul it is an ongoing daily battle that I keep fighting. I plan to win....I am learning to thrive.
http://healmyptsd.com/
10 Tips For Understanding Someone With PTSD
PTSD makes communication difficult. Many survivors can’t find the words to express what they’re feeling. Even when they do, it’s very normal for them not to be comfortable sharing their experience. Elements of shame, fear, anger, guilt and grief often get in the way of a calm, focused discussion. This is an understatement. I learned that sometimes it was actually physically painful for me to talk about some of the things that happened to me. Yes, you can pass out from the stress of trying to say what needs to be said.
Friends and family (and anyone else who is not the source of the PTSD but is standing by while someone attempts to heal) need something that translates PTSD language. Armed with knowledge, insight and awareness you’ll have an easier time knowing how to react, respond and relate to your PTSD loved one during the healing process. The more you appreciate things from the PTSD perspective the more helpful and supportive you can be. Now is the time for empathy, compassion and patience. This is all true but none of it is easy. This takes time studying and being open to possibilities...someone close to me struggled with knowing even part of what happened. Messed up their image of who I am. I was the same person, they viewed me differently.
The list below will give you an overview of things to understand. For more in-depth information – plus content specifically geared for you, the caregiver – check out the free archives of our radio show, YOUR LIFE AFTER TRAUMA, which features professionals and experts weighing in on what you need to know about PTSD and your role.
#1 – Knowledge is power. Understanding the process of a triggering event, the psychic reaction to trauma, the warning signs and symptoms of PTSD, and available treatment options for PTSD allows you to help recognize, support and guide your PTSD loved one toward diagnosis, treatment and healing.
We need you to be clearheaded, pulled together and informed. Sometimes twists or turns happen that no amount of knowledge will prepare you for, hang on until you get to a place that you can get your feet under you. Don't feel like you have to do this alone, counselors, doctors other family and friends can form a team to help the person with PTSD.
#2 – Trauma changes us. After trauma we want to believe —as do you—that life can return to the way it was; that we can continue as who we were. This is not how it works. Trauma leaves a huge and indelible impact on the soul. It is not possible to endure trauma and not experience a psychic shift.
Expect us to be changed. Accept our need to evolve. Support us on this journey. Sometimes the trauma was so long ago that what was before is long gone. After cancer, I discovered that I changed, it wasn't all bad. Some of the changes in priorities were healthy changes. The past does not define you but it does not leave you untouched. I find when I embrace the change and share with others my enthusiasm for new purposes in life, I am happier.
#3 – PTSD hijacks our identity. One of the largest problems with PTSD is that it takes over our entire view of ourselves. We no longer see clearly. We no longer see the world as we experienced it before trauma. Now every moment is dangerous, unpredictable and threatening.
Gently remind us and offer opportunities to engage in an identity outside of trauma and PTSD. PTSD is a reaction not who we are. I was startled after integration to find out that multiple personalities was how I dodged PTSD. When I integrated, I needed new coping skills for PTSD. Fighting cancer I learned that I am not the disease. I am a person with the disease. I work at separating who I am from my PTSD response to life.
#4 – We are no longer grounded in our true selves. In light of trauma our real selves retreat and a coping self emerges to keep us safe.
Believe in us; our true selves still exist, even if they are momentarily buried. Authenticity is temporarily lost. One coping tool is to lie to ourselves and convince ourselves it was not that bad. Takes time to reconnect with our true selves. There are any number of books and articles that discuss the difference between your true self and the mask you hide behind. Some of the feelings I battle was I failed as myself so perhaps a mask is better much like Phantom of the Opera, the scarred features are hideous so mask are more pleasing to others. Unfortunately, the real person is lost and the mask is always less than the original. The authentic true self is there but sometimes deeply buried.
#5 – We cannot always help how we behave. Since we are operating on a sort of autopilot we are not always in control. PTSD is an exaggerated state of survival mode. We experience emotions that frighten and overwhelm us. We act out accordingly in defense of those feelings we cannot control.
Be patient with us; we often cannot stop the anger, tears or other disruptive behaviors that are so difficult for you to endure. True, up to a point....concern here is when a caregiver is enabling the survivor to stay stuck. Accountability for behavior is still vital. I still needed to apologize when I yell at someone. I am responsible even though controlling my behavior seems almost impossible sometimes. No accountability - weakens my determination to take my behavior back into my control. Both my counselors assigned me homework that helps me practice self control. I may struggle sometimes and need to keep myself way from others but I am still responsible for how I treat others.
#6 – We cannot always be logical. Since our perspective is driven by fear we don’t always think straight, nor do we always accept the advice of those who do.
Keep reaching out, even when your words don’t seem to reach us. You never know when we will think of something you said and it will comfort, guide, soothe or inspire us. Sometimes the advice seems like a foreign language to the survivor. My DH would tell me to not let my mother get in my head....I would get terribly frustrated because I didn't know how to use boundaries to protect myself. I didn't know what he meant at all. Also what seems like good advice to a caregiver or counselor may seem like grabbing barbed wire to a survivor. Following the advice may be excruciatingly painful.
#7 – We cannot just ‘get over it’. From the outside it’s easy to imagine a certain amount of time passes and memories fade and trauma gets relegated to the history of a life. Unfortunately, with PTSD nothing fades. Our bodies will not let us forget. Because of surging chemicals that reinforce every memory, we cannot walk away from the past anymore than you can walk away from us.
Honor our struggle to make peace with events. Do not rush us. Trying to speed our recovery will only make us cling to it more. For PTSD to be there it means there is A LOT of damage. People didn't expect me to recover from cancer in a day, don't expect me to recover from PTSD in a day either. The longer the trauma went on the more extensive the damage. The longer the PTSD is ignored the harder it is to unearth and heal the hidden damage.
#8 – We’re not in denial—we’re coping! It takes a tremendous effort to live with PTSD. Even if we don’t admit it, we know there’s something wrong. When you approach us and we deny there’s a problem that’s really code for, “I’m doing the best I can.” Taking the actions you suggest would require too much energy, dividing focus from what is holding us together. Sometimes, simply getting up and continuing our daily routine is the biggest step toward recovery we make.
Alleviate our stress by giving us a safe space in which we can find support. Years ago when I was physical incapacitated by PTSD someone asked me what a good day was...my answer, "I got up." Then I was quiet and they waited. I then reassured them that was it, a good day I actually got out of bed. Some people find it difficult to believe that something can so cripple you emotionally that your body simply cannot function. Routines are helpful because then I can set myself on autopilot and go a few steps farther. Imagine some one in a terrible car wreck but lives with a mangled body. PTSD is kind of like that but it is our soul that was mangled.
#9 – We do not hate you. Contrary to the ways we might behave when you intervene, somewhere inside we do know that you are not the source of the problem. Unfortunately, in the moment we may use your face as PTSD’s image. Since we cannot directly address our PTSD issues sometimes it’s easier to address you.
Continue to approach us. We need you to! One of the many discussions I had with KavinCoach was the problem of putting a kinder softer face on the problem. It is easier to rage at someone safe then the terrifying enemy in our mind. Reminding a survivor that you are not the enemy is helpful. Please, expect me to apologize is I am a total jerk.
#10 - Your presence matters. PTSD creates a great sense of isolation. In our post-traumatic state, it makes a difference to know that there are people who will stand by us. It matters that although we lash out, don’t respond and are not ourselves, you are still there, no matter what.
Don’t give up, we’re doing our best. Support and encouragement from multiple sources makes a difference. This is why I mention over and over the value of having a team of people to help. A baseball team of only a pitcher with no basemen doesn't win the game. We are blessed with internet, doctors, counselors, friends, and family to help build a survival team. As I grow in strength I try to help someone else that is traveling the same path. There are many more people out there with PTSD. I learned to hide my symptoms, others hide too. Keep in mind that I am sometimes jealous of those that are helping me. My counselor, family and friends can walk away from me and take a much needed break...I don't even get to sleep and get a break. PTSD follows me into my sleep and swaps out nightmares for dreams. Like cancer of the soul it is an ongoing daily battle that I keep fighting. I plan to win....I am learning to thrive.
http://healmyptsd.com/
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Internet Friends
I was asked on my post http://weareone-ruth.blogspot.com/2013/07/friends-help-clean-up.html if Internet friends are real. I believe they are as real as any other relationship....depends on what you put into it. My sister was involved with internet connections long before I was. My first encounter with internet relationships was cyber stalking and bullying by a junior high student where I worked. An 8th grade boy terrorized a 6th grade girl in another state. When he was found and questioned,
he glibly stated it was just the computer never thinking about the fact there was a human being at the other end of the connection. I waited years before my children dragged me into the 20th Century and cyber connections. The first cyber connection that became real to me and I never met was Upsi. She used her blog to explore her relationship with her narcissistic mother. From her blog, I connected with an online community of people that I started building relationships with. Then in a two month period a whole lot of pain was caused by a person that was emotionally hurting and used Upsi as a target. The words that flew were hard to read and just as complicated to sort through as any other community divided. Words were said that hurt and people took sides. You know, that all felt very real. I figure it this way, if we can hurt each other online, we can also build each other up online. We get to be friends just like real life by connecting and communicating over time. I have several amazing friends that I never met in person but feel concern when they are not online for awhile. I felt sad at the disruption caused by one person treating others online without regard to how it would effect them. My favorite internet friendship story comes from my sister. Her internet friend's husband kept telling her that my sister wasn't "real." Then my sister sent him a gift for his birthday...He decided that 'imaginary friends' did not send birthday presents. Therefor, my sister must be real. I think friendships online are as real or fake as how honest people are with each other. You know, that sounds a lot like "real" life to me. People have lied to me in person as well as online. People have built me up in person as well as online. I feel the internet allows connections all over the world that just wouldn't be possible in person. I don't know in 'real' time most of the people that read my blog but I know that real people are reading. Thanks readers for being out there and taking time to share my thoughts. May all of you have a beautiful and blessed day. :)
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| Munching Crops - a different view doesn't make something less real. |
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